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Random Friday thoughts

Tuesday afternoon I treated myself to a prenatal massage. I was a little nervous not knowing exactly what to expect and if it would be comfortable or not and was surprised to see that I was still lying face down for the first part – just on top of a bunch of pillows with a sort of belly area in the middle. The first half of the massage was pretty good, although without her being able to put pressure on my lower back (where my pain is right now) it was less pain/muscle soreness reducing and more relaxing. About 20 minutes in, I was practically in a sleep state when I felt the softest flutter in my stomach. The only way to explain it is like butterfly wings moving down the inside my stomach for just a second. In my head I immediately thought, oh my God I feel the baby, but seeing as this is my first, wasn’t really sure. The massage continued on, and while I love a good massage, I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure it was worth the money in the end. Anyway, last night as I was going to bed, about 20 minutes after trying to fall asleep and just lying there, the flutter happened again. Just once, and so softly, but I swear I felt it. I don’t think I have felt it since though…

Tuesday night while Husband and I were grilling dinner (buying that grill has been the best purchase ever) I was playing with Bentley. At one point I had a stick in my hand and was pretending to throw it so he was running while looking at me and BAM into the deep end (10 feet deep) of the pool he fell. Now I know what everyone is thinking – dogs can swim – all dogs can swim – but I swear mine can’t. We have tried to get him to slowly go into ponds, oceans, etc. and he’ll wade but whenever he gets deep he sort of panics and thrashes versus swimming. So he fell in and I immediately went over to see him bobbing under and above water with his butt and back legs completely sinking. I pulled him out and he shook himself off and then went playing along and…I cried. He’s shown no interest in the pool but the idea of him falling in really freaks me out. The next warm day I’m taking a page from Caesar Milan and getting in the pool with him and showing him how to get out via the steps at the shallow end. Last night he kept trying to get out of the side but the water isn’t high enough, and I worry after 10 minutes of that … who knows.

I’m loving our house. I still don’t quite feel settled or unpacked by any means, but the progress between the renovations being done and the painting is amazing.

I’m ridiculously into the show Big Brother. It’s a show that has apparently been on for like 10+ years and I have never once watched an episode until this year and somehow I found myself hooked. It’s so stupid and silly and yet… it’s the one summer show I’m watching.

When we got married and got all our wedding presents, aside from gifts cards, rather than take them to our apartment at the time, we kept them at my in-laws. We have just started bringing them all over to our house and OMG it’s like Christmas! All new dishes, pots, pans, grill set, pillows, and more.

Tall decaf non-fat cappuccino with one pump cinnamon dulce…oh my word delicious. My new favorite drink that I can pretend is caffeinated.

I am finally starting to feel like a human again. Happy, energized, excited, and (mostly) non-nauseated!

90’s on 9 (satellite radio) or Spotify best of the 90’s playlist = sure fire way to find me singing and dancing as I apparently know the lyrics of every damn 90’s song.

This is my first weekend in months that I am home, I have minimal plans (aside from a shopping date with a friend and my first haircut in 7 months). TGIF.

13 weeks

Umm hello second tri! I thought time would go by so slowly, but at the same time, it’s going by rather quickly. When I say I  only have 26 weeks and 5 days left it sounds so crazy! I really wanted to write a lot more, but over the past 5 weeks we have moved, I’ve gone to one wedding, three bridal showers, two bachelorettes, an engagement party,  celebrated the birthday of my best friend from home by driving to Connecticut to meet her for a day, multiple social dinners, and crazy work projects – including at least one night a week still of 3 hours of Tokyo calls. So when I feel guilty about not unpacking, exercising or getting things done – I remember that life has been crazy.   

Weight gained:
+1lb. Overall at 13 weeks and 3 days I have gained a total of about 5lbs. Apparently now I should also be gaining about .5-1lb weekly (via nutritious foods).

Workouts:
Ha. I keep saying how much I’d love to swim and get some exercise in but…it hasn’t happened.

Symptoms:
Extreme fatigue. In the past few weeks it went from feeling less energized to holy crap, a wave of exhaustion hits and I.cannot.function. I leave the house by 7:30 and work until 5pmish, take the train out to pick up Bentley from daycare, then get home around 6:30pm and sometimes it takes everything in me to eat dinner before I crawl onto the floor and just lay there.

Pregnancy brain… or the baby is actually eating my brain. I mean I was legit convinced one day we had a time change and I needed to add an hour onto my google maps direction time. Yeah, not accurate.

The nausea has definitely started to subside  – hallelujah!

One new symptom over the past weekend was an awful headache that lasted a solid 2 days. I’d really like to not have one of those again.

Oh and I’m still an emotional sap, even worse than before. Tears are expected at least once a week.

Food Aversions:
Woohoo my appetite is coming back, sort of! I still don’t like to think about making food, and actually thinking too much about food in general sort of turns me off. The idea of eggs – especially runny eggs, burgers, meat not cooked enough – like rare steak, heavy/creamy/rich foods makes me feel a bit ill.

Food Cravings:
Fresh fruit (especially cut up in cereal with cold milk), cottage cheese, chocolate milk, grilled corn (had with dinner last night and omg, I want a hundred more ears)

Sleep:
Sleep hasn’t been great the past few days especially, but because of festivities and painting, I haven’t slept at home too much and honestly, just need a good night’s sleep in my own comfy bed.

Miss Anything?
A lot of things I can’t have…spicy tuna roll, Brie, caffeine (i.e. not worrying about drinking an iced tea, coffee, etc.)

Fun and/or Interesting Things from the Week:
This morning I went in for another check-in with my midwife and I got to hear Baby’s heart beat again (now at about 150bpm) and it’s so unbelievably amazing to hear that heart racing. I couldn’t help but cry again.

Happy or moody most of the time:
I’m starting to feel more like myself! Happy and excited! However, after 8pm or while driving – just stay away, far, far away.

New Baby Items:
Nursery décor! The room itself is painted a gray color and I ordered white birch tree decals from Etsy to go up on one wall, chevron gray and white curtains, and just bought a few cute gray and white elephant baskets. My Mom also bought me the softest, cutest gray elephant with a pink ribbon (came with and she said we can always replace but hmm, foreshadowing?)

My friend from college also bought me a baby book journal and I really want to start documenting in there!

Looking Forward To:
Finding the gender! Ok really now, I just want to know. I am at a point where I don’t care but I want to plan and start calling the baby he or she and connecting with the baby more. We are finding out now on September 23rd and the wait is killing me. It’s kind of entertaining how split people are on what we are having and how sure some people are! My sisters are dead set that it’s a boy, my Mom goes back and forth, Husband says boy, a few friends say boy yet a few say girl, and I just don’t know. I really thought boy – mainly because while I have been nauseous I never got super sick, but deep down I could see imagine that it may be a girl. My psychic Aunt says “maybe a girl, but you will have one of both either way” – so yeaaaah, whatever that means. I’m looking forward to sharing the news in a fun way  (not sure how yet)…

I’m also looking forward to getting more of a bump! I just started to pop a little bit, and my clothes are fitting funny (between the chest and tight tummy area) so it really is time to start putting away some of my tighter wardrobe pieces.  I feel like people aren’t sure yet if they can say anything, or some wouldn’t quite notice – so I am oddly excited to really show!

9 Weeks

My biggest fear was that time would pass so slowly during the first trimester. While the days can sometimes feel long, the weeks are flying by. I don’t know if it’s the combination of just being so busy – between buying the house, work and so many social activities – or if this is just normal.

On Monday at just over 9 weeks we had our second ultrasound and it was probably the most incredible thing I have ever seen. Actually hearing that fast little heart beat – nothing compares. It’s the most amazing and magical thing. I still can’t believe it’s all real, and I’m just feeling so weepy and blessed since. I mean WE’RE HAVING A BABY!

Anyway…

Weight gained:
-1lb since last weigh-in, so about 3-4lbs overall. Pretty sure it’s still constipation unfortunately. In the morning my pants fit, by evening they are too tight, then back to fitting – all depending on the time of day!

Workouts:
Lots of walking around, packing and cleaning. I’m counting it because seriously, by evening time I’m usually taking a nap I’m so drained.

Symptoms:
“Morning sickness” for me is really night sickness. It seems that like clockwork around 4:00pm each day I start to feel extra queasy, tired, and SO irritable. It’s almost comical how I go from feeling sort of OK to a crazy person. I’m trying to just take it easy in the evenings as much as I can, and I’m thankful I’m at least productive at work but I’m looking forward to getting past this one.

I hope this isn’t a new symptom but lately, I fall dead asleep around 10pmish then BAM around 1-3am I wake up…and I can’t fall back asleep. I spent 3 hours awake the last few nights watching crappy tv and trying to get tired and it was so frustrating.

Oh and I’m weepy as hell. Pretty much any commercial, conversation, or song about love, babies, animals – you can expect tears. And not like a few tears, I’m talking choking sobs.

Food Aversions:
Up until yesterday I was not loving food. It was really frustrating because if I don’t eat I get nauseous but most things sounded yucky and if I cook it, I will not eat it. I don’t want meat, eggs, really anything…

I also haven’t even had decaf coffee, I think I want it then I grab some and I can’t drink it.

As of this morning, (please don’t jinx myself) I am sort of feeling more like myself. Energized, not overly queasy, and happy. I ate a bowl of raisin bran with banana happily, and I’m just crossing my fingers the nausea peaked and it’s on its way out.

Food Cravings:
Finally I’m having a few very intense cravings:
Peaches and plums. I had a peach yesterday and it was the best thing I have had in a while and I plan on going back and buying a dozen more.
Burger King Chicken Sandwiches. I wish this wasn’t true, but for a few days it was the ONLY thing I wanted. I finally caved and had one and omg, it was unbelievable. It’s taking all my willpower not to get another.
Chocolate milk. Finally had some yesterday and it was amazing and the easiest way for me to get my daily milk in when I’m not feeling cereal.
Tuna sandwiches with plain potato chips. My doctor said it’s OK to do one can or packet a week (max) so I plan on having one today.

Sleep:
Naps, insomnia, fatigue – it goes in circles.

Miss Anything?
Same as always – turkey sandwich and coffee (or the act of drinking coffee if that makes sense).

Fun and/or Interesting Things from the Week:
We announced! After our last ultrasound the doctor confirmed that our risk of miscarriage is as low as it’s going to get and nothing magically changes or reduces that risk between now and second tri so to go ahead and announce. Ahhh, it was SO MUCH FUN to finally tell everyone and hear reactions and just be open about it. Now I can be honest about how I’m feeling and all these things going on in my head!

Happy or moody most of the time:
If I’m being honest, I’m mostly sort of moody, especially at night. I know it’s hormones and fatigue, so I’m just trying to give myself a break and stay positive. Today I feel really positive, excited and happy!

New Baby Items:
Books! What to expect when you’re expecting, and What to expect in the first year.

Looking Forward To:
Finding out the gender. While we will be so happy with either (we truly just want a healthy baby) I can’t stop trying to guess. Right now, Husband thinks it’s a boy (I think he secretly prefers a boy, or really, he’s just terrified of having a girl and having to deal with boyfriends, haha) and my older sister thinks it’s a boy. My best friend from home thinks it’s a girl. I really don’t know. Part of me thinks it’s a boy (because of my dream, and the lack of other symptoms) but then deep down I’m wondering if it’s a girl (since I come from a family of a lot of girls). We will actually find out on the Husband’s 30th birthday, September 26th.

6 and 7 weeks

I keep meaning to write but with so much going on I just keep losing track of time. Anyway, I wanted to capture the last two weeks, but warning, TMI alert!

Weight gained:
5lbs. Boo, but my midwife assured me it’s constipation at this point.

Workouts:
Still hardly any with the exception of walks. I really want to incorporate exercise back in but between work being insane, closing on the house, and social activities…I’m so drained!

Symptoms:
Early last week I woke up in the middle of the night to projectile vomit and spent the full day after extremely nauseous. Surprisingly it went away, and since then I sometimes feel queasy, but I thank my lucky stars there hasn’t been any more puking.

Otherwise…bleeding gums, cramps, itchy nipples, very light brown spotting (confirmed as leftover implantation bleeding), feeling full after hardly eating anything, crazy gas pains and constipation… pregnancy makes you feel *awesome*

But I will say, my skin is completely clear – not a blemish!

Food Aversions:
Pretty much everything. This is always when I realize that I am in fact still queasy because nothing sounds appealing, even when I’m starving.

Food Cravings:
Carb city! Bagels, mozzarella sticks, and toast with peanut butter.

Sleep:
For the most part, sleep has been fantastic. I’m sleeping 7-8 hours a night, and sleeping soundly. Mmm, sleep.

Miss Anything?
Deli turkey. I can’t stop thinking about having a deli turkey, provolone, shredded lettuce and mayo sandwich on a bulky hard roll. Lunch is the hardest meal of the day by far.

Fun and/or Interesting Things from the Week:
Towards the end of last week we had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks and 5 days! We saw our little nugget and his/her fetal heart rate is 135bpm! Apparently all looks good so this really has helped put our minds at ease.

Then at 7 weeks 1 day I had my first prenatal appointment with my midwife. She is so wonderful. We talked for almost 1.5 hours and she reviewed all the can and can’t dos along with questions/concerns/next steps. We did all my blood work (all good) and she confirmed my uterus has basically doubled in size.

 

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Fetal heart rate of 135bpm

Happy or moody most of the time:
While I am still so incredibly happy and blessed (and feeling lucky because I could be feeling so much worse), it seems that after 5pm my energy plummets and the more I have to do the more irritable I get. After a 12 hour day on Tuesday (when we closed) and endless running around, I was so cranky and mean to the husband – but it felt so uncontrollable. I’ve never felt so drained, mentally and physically before.

New Baby Items:
A nursery! Nothing is in it, but now that we bought a house, we have a designated nursery! I already have the theme and color scheme picked out…

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Looking Forward To:
Our 9 week ultrasound on July 21st and hearing everything is ok and then TELLING PEOPLE! My midwife seemed to think it was safe to tell people after that ultrasound (if we felt comfortable) so I think we may tell a few more people (family and friends) and then we’ll “announce” it at closer to 12 weeks.

Spoke too soon

Last night I met up with my best friend for dinner. We sat and chatted for a few hours while I ate a delicious burger and repeatedly mentioned how thankful I was that so far, I feel pretty great in this pregnancy.

Fast forward to 1am.

I woke up and the room was spinning. Vertigo and nausea to the extreme. Went downstairs and tried to eat a cracker and drink a little water. Sat for a few minutes telling myself it would pass.

Stood up, looked at the bathroom, and then very suddenly began heaving up that burger. I swear the entire thing came back up undigested.

While still nauseous, I felt a little better, but knew it would be a long time before I fell asleep. I laid on the couch and put the TV on and drifted in and out of a light sleep, always aware of the nausea.

This morning, while again feeling loads better than the few moments before I had violently thrown up, I still don’t feel right. I almost feel like I have the worst hangover of my life. Queasy yet hungry, but the idea of any food makes me dry heave. Tired with a headache. Just all around, not great.

Clearly, I spoke too soon. At just over 6 weeks this morning sickness is right on schedule.

Now the word burger, let alone the idea of the smell or taste of one, makes me want to die. Keep the meat away. Far, far, far away.

5 Weeks

On Sunday I successfully hit 5 weeks. It’s still so early, but I really want to try to post updates since I know at some point I’ll want to look back at all of this.

Weight gained:
Zero. I feel bloated and swollen already – so much so that at times I unbutton my pants, but so far no actual weight gain. It’s funny, I’m far less concerned with the weight gain than I ever thought I would be (but then it’s still early). I want to have a healthy pregnancy, and therefore I don’t plan on eating everything in sight, but at the same time – I’m growing a human and I’m going to gain weight! I’ll take growing a human any day over worrying about the damn weight gain.

Workouts:
Sadly, just a few walks. I got really anxious in the early stages of my pregnancy and took a step back from exercising (note: Google is not your friend in early pregnancy). Until I have my first ultrasound I may skip my vigorous Flywheel classes and moving my whole schedule around to get workouts in. So far I’ve been going on regular 2 mile hikes with Bentley and more than anything, I’d love to get swimming back into my weekly routine.

Symptoms:
Very mild cramping on and off since I got my positive. Last Thursday I woke up with a horrific head cold out of nowhere, and it’s still lingering around causing me to have no voice at times. I also have had an increase in headaches (seems to happen easily if I’m dehydrated or have too much sodium). Otherwise, truthfully, I feel great right now and I’m trying to take advantage of that before fatigue and morning sickness potentially hit.

Food Aversions:
None really. Sometimes things are starting to smell sort of funny or strong.

Food Cravings:
I consistently want steak with A1 sauce, sweet potatoes and corn chex with cold skim milk. This could just be me wanting these things though. It seems overall I am definitely wanting more salty/food items versus desserts which is interesting.

Sleep:
Between week 3 and 4 I was not sleeping. I had pretty bad insomnia and it was brutal. Now I am sleeping really deeply and well, with the exception of sometimes waking up with cramps or having to pee.

Miss Anything?
Coffee, oh coffee – I.miss.you. I’m still having decaf and once in a while a small (or small half caf half decaf) but man do I miss grabbing a venti blonde roast from Starbucks and the chatty energy it gave me! There’s just something so comforting about sipping on a giant coffee while working, or driving around doing errands on a Saturday morning.

Otherwise not missing too much. Once I thought about not being able to have things I craved a glass of white wine and sushi, but really I’m OK without right now.

The only other thing is I feel sort of like I’m missing is that I’m hiding a bit from certain friends and scenarios because I’m just not ready to tell the world. I miss being honest!

Fun and/or Interesting Things from the Week:
I got to have blood work done which for me was fun because it gave me confirmation my hormone levels are rising nicely. Also, since my first pre-natal appointment wasn’t originally scheduled until July 7th and I would not be getting an ultrasound done at that one, my wonderful doctor offered to set up one for me earlier on July 3rd. I think once I hear the heart beat this will all feel real.

Also, the Husband and I officially picked names – we agreed upon the boy name and the girl name – and we also decided… we aren’t telling anyone! It’s nice to feel like we have one secret together.

Happy or moody most of the time:
Mostly happy overall, but definitely moments of irritability and overreacting (compared to how I normally react). I swear I have waves of rage that seem to come out of nowhere and then minutes later I am fine and feel like it was a crazy person. I have definitely also had a few instances of laughing then crying then laughing again. Overall though, I just feel so beyond blessed, happy and excited.

New Baby Items:
Aside from the ASU onesie I used to tell the Husband, none. I think we plan on waiting until after our first ultrasound and the house closing before we get anything baby related.

Looking Forward To:
Oh my – so much! I’m trying to take it one day at a time but in no particular order just a few things I’m looking forward to:
-Hearing the baby’s heart beat (and seeing the blueberry sized baby)
-Telling the world! We aren’t telling until mid-August when I’m between 12-14 weeks so the wait is killing us
-Buying pregnancy/baby related books
-Buying maternity wear (Yes, I am actually excited for this, ha)
-Finding out the gender (Yes, we are 100% finding out. I don’t like surprises.)

 

Coffee was, and let’s be honest, still is, one of my most favorite things in the world.

On an average day I will have a cup of keurig coffee at home, a venti blonde roast from starbucks, and usually another 16 ounces of coffee from my office.

I love the smell of it, the warm happiness it always brings.

I love waking up and first thing sipping a hot mug of coffee. On sunny days, rainy days, and wintry snow days – I just love it.

I love how it reminds me of road trips.

I love the me time behind it. My first cup of coffee each morning is usually by myself. It’s quiet and peaceful.

I love the social aspect of it too. How having a cup of coffee during the day or weekend mornings with someone usually includes conversation and time to connect.

I truly, deeply, love coffee. Giving it up was so, so hard.

But it’s been worth every single second because just a few weeks ago I started growing what is already one of my most favorite things in the world. And keeping that someone healthy and growing is more important to me than my coffee addiction.

Yes. Yes, I am.

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God willing, Baby Pursuit of Happiness…expected February 2015*. :)

*I know it’s extremely early. If you know me IRL or on social media, please do not post about this. We haven’t told many people yet but more than anything I need to talk about it. The process to get “here”. The fears, anxieties, and overwhelming feeling of happiness. I need an outlet. So while the rest of the world still won’t know for a bit of time, this place will. And if God forbid, it doesn’t work out this time, I know this will be a place I’ll turn to.

 

 

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