The hardest part of being with, and marrying a police officer so far has been our opposing schedules. Right before the wedding the husband was switched back to the overnight shift. Each night he leaves around 9:45pm and doesn’t return to the house until after 7am. Most nights he leaves before I’m in bed, and he comes home after I’ve left for the gym or work. He’s on a 4 days on and 2 days off schedule so it’s not like he’s off many weekends where I could try to stay up late or sleep in with him.
The truth is I joke often how I get a better night’s sleep in the bed alone (and I probably do). I like that I’m asleep by 11pm lately and jumping out of bed to get up for work has been easier. I can see friends and family on weekend days because I know he’ll be asleep having just come home for a shift.
But I can count on one hand the number of times we have gotten to share a bed since our honeymoon. Four. Four times in almost two months.
When 5 nights out of every week my husband isn’t even home when I go to bed, next to me when I wake up, or hell even in the house – it gets tough. It’s even harder on nights he has off because he can’t just come into bed with me – if he does it completely throws off his ability to stay awake for the whole night shift the night after.
There’s no end in sight. It’s likely this schedule will stay the same for the next few years so there’s no time for a pity party. I know we’ll work around it, and get our quality time in during the evenings or in whatever way we can. I know that.
I just never guessed when I married him that what I would miss the most, and what would be the one thing that can almost always make me cry when I dwell on it – is getting to share a bed. We don’t get to share a bedtime routine, pre-sleep chat, or early morning snuggling. I don’t get to go to bed lying next to him, snuggling, knowing he’s next to me in the night and waking up to his arms around me.
And so that’s what I have asked for on Valentine’s Day. Just one night where we get to go to bed tangled together and I can wake up in a warm bed, knowing he’s there, lying right next to me.
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This post made me cry and made me appreciate sleeping with my hubby every night even though he pulls my blankets off and sometimes snores in my face. Hope you get what you want for Valentine’s Day and that he gets a shift change sooner than later!
Appreciate it!!!
Thank you, me too!
As a medical student dating people in the medical field I feel the same way a lot of days. I just ask myself do I love this person enough to let the absence make the relationship stronger
great post!
That’s funny you say that because one of my closest friend’s husbands is in his residency and she is one of the few who understands what it’s like too. It’s so true though, there are tons of ways to look at the positives and ensure when you do spend time, it’s quality time. There are definitely good days and bad days though -but it sure creates one strong relationship
This post actually made me feel guilty, because CP and I share the bed every night except on travel weeks. And I kinda hate it. I’ve joked (or not?) many times that we need separate beds. But I was single for about 7 years (not counting the relationships that didn’t last or were less than 1 year) and I always had a kind sized bed to myself for a reason – I love to sleep alone and diagonally across that king!
Now he’s here and while I love him to pieces, I cannot stand how he sleeps! He takes up 3/4 of the king and I find myself practically falling off of my 1/4 every night! I need my diagonal space!
When we travel together and get put in a room with two double beds instead of a king we don’t sleep in the same bed. At the beginning of the relationship this bugged me. Now? I want two kings that we can each sprawl across!