To my Husband on our first married Valentine’s Day,
I could easily fill a page with the obvious reasons why I love you and why I married you. Your strength, your heart, your potential to be the best father possible to our one-day children, your ability to see when I’m down and send me a list of 100 reasons why you love me.
But then there are the smaller, less tangible and obvious reasons. Reasons that are just as important as the big ones even as silly as they may sound. The reasons that swirl through my mind and make me smile, laugh, cry and excited to tell our grandchildren one day.
“Your grandfather used to lay down next to me in bed and without a doubt, always turn to me and say, nice bum, where ya from?”
When I look at you during a song in the car or a song on TV and you’re bobbing your head side to side and pursing your lips. You look ridiculous and yet completely and utterly happy.
When I b*tched about my younger sister’s behavior and how any time I’d talk about things she changed it to be about herself. As perceptive as I am, I didn’t realize until you said it and showed me. She wants to be like me. From following me to college, to Boston, to almost being our neighbor and more – she looks up to me. Our entire relationship has shifted for the better since.
How you just get it when my heart breaks constantly over my older sister. How each time the conversation of drugs or addiction comes up, I can look at you, and you swallow me with your hugs as I start to cry. And how you understand that could happen for years to come.
When we sneak up on each other and “check the oil” which without a doubt, sends the person flying in surprise.
How you always kiss me hello when you get home in the morning, and how you’ll text me a sad face if I leave the house for work without kissing you goodbye as you go to bed.
How for the first time in my entire life, counting every past relationship – I don’t always get my way. Trust me, that’s a good thing.
How we’re equally stubborn and both control freaks so again for the first time in my entire life, counting every past relationship - I have to drop my pride once in a while, go to you, and apologize.
How your family is equally as awesome and loving as mine. I’ve never had that in any past relationship. I feel like my support system has doubled.
How I look at you and I can’t wait to expand our family one day with children. I’ve never imagined having children with the father in the picture…until you. My ovaries are aching to start.
How you get so damn excited about your weekly gym class and how you always come home enthusiastically chatting about the higher weights you’re squatting and the next protein shake you’re making. You motivate me.
How we can go out to dinner alone, or with friends, or with family – and not have a single drink and still enjoy it. How we can go out to dinner alone, or with friends, or with family – and have a few drinks and still enjoy it.
How my silence can speak more to you than my words. You read me better than anyone ever has, or probably ever will. I still don’t know how you do it when people who have known me years can’t, and sometimes it takes me by surprise how accurately you can interpret my non-stated emotions.
How my anxiety with our relationship is practically non-existent. I’m not in a state of anxiety to what we are or where we’re going – I’m content with just being us. I trust in you and I trust in us.
How much you enjoy being around my Dad and Step-Dad and never once felt uncomfortable with the fact that they are gay. How it was your idea to have my Step-Dad become justice of the peace and marry us.
How excited and kid-like you are when we enjoy new experiences together. Being on our honeymoon, covering each other in mud atop the volcano was one of the coolest experiences of your life, and just watching you made it one of mine too.
How I don’t know what our future will bring, or how things will go up and down over the next few weeks, months and years – and yet I’m just so excited to stand by you as your wife and fill out the many chapters that remain in our lives together.
Love always and forever,