I alluded to this in my last post, but lately I have really wanted to better myself. Yeah, it sounds cheesy but I mean it. I truly want to be a better person, and I want to be the type of person I would admire. I know I have things I need to work on and I deep down care about being more kind, compassionate, honest, and encouraging to everyone I cross paths with. I’m tired of letting the negativity weigh me down. I think I am also realizing more and more – you can’t force others to change. But you can change. And sometimes that change directly changes their behavior as a result.
So step one, I’m taking a look at my relationship with my husband. I want to truly learn and accept that I can’t make an exception of myself. This is from a quote I read recently on the HumansofNY instagram that I haven’t stopped thinking about.
“Never make an exception of yourself. People like to make exceptions of themselves. They hold other people to moral codes that they aren’t willing to follow themselves. For example, people tend to think that if they tell a lie, it’s because it was absolutely necessary. But if someone else tells a lie, it means they’re dishonest. So never make an exception of yourself. If you’re a thief, don’t complain about being robbed.”
The other day I was cleaning and got really worked up that I was cleaning and the husband was not. I started to replay the fact that he had been sitting on the couch all evening and hadn’t so much as picked up the clothing that was laying on the bathroom floor. I began to make not so nice comments about it, and then (slowly) forced myself to take a step back and stop. The Sunday before when he had done dishes and took the garbage out, I had plopped myself on the couch and watched 4 straight hours of tv. I felt I had deserved it after a crazy wedding weekend. But in the same way, the husband was in this past weekend’s wedding and then heading into an overnight shift after we drove 4+ hours home from Vermont, and so when he woke up the afternoon after, he wanted to relax, go to the gym, and watch football. Why was it ok for me to have a day to be lazy, and not him? Why do I expect him to always do things on my time-table?
I’m starting to realize that I give myself a break on a lot of things – cleaning, spending money, time on social media, etc., but I don’t give him a break – ever.
I’m trying to acknowledge when I do that, and how unfair it can be, and that truly, it’s a lot more energy-efficient to instead focus on how to better myself and act in a way I expect others to act. It’s harder than I expected for something that sounds so simple. But I’m trying.