I’m embarrassed to say that shortly after yesterday’s blog post I found myself crying in the Whole Foods parking lot. Silly and dramatic, yes, but also, some very real anxieties that I’m feeling.
After talking (word rambling) to a few friends, and reading Becelisa’s comment, I think it has finally set in. I need to stop getting so worked up about the future, and things that are out of my control. I also need to start saying no, and stop feeling guilty about it.
I was spiraling yesterday as I was getting texts and emails about weekend bachelorettes (and showers) all with at least $300 in travel costs alone coming in one after another. Then texts about this coming weekend and plans from Friday through Sunday non-stop. Then the garbage disposal broke and I went into full-blown monster mode.
I took a step back, thought carefully about all of it, what I could feasibly do, what I wanted to do, and where it made sense to say no. And so…
I said NO to the bachelorette weekend in Newport of a girl that I hardly spend time with. But I said yes to her shower.
I said NO to the bachelorette weekend in Nashville, that’s over July 4th weekend, and would end up at almost $1,000 overall. But I said yes to her shower and mini-bachelorette that I will still be flying out to Buffalo for.
I said yes to a friend’s baby shower that is only a 45 minute drive. And let’s be honest, I love baby showers and I want to go!
I said yes to a friend who’s wedding shower and bachelorette will be in one weekend in August (woohoo!). I would have travelled for this friend anyway, as she was wonderful during my wedding process but there’s a slight relief there.
We said yes to a wedding in July. We said yes to a wedding in August. We said yes to a wedding in September with house rental, travel, and present that one will tally to $950 or more, and we said yes to a wedding in November (with travel, hotel and present that one will tally to $700 or more). But let’s hope that’s it for weddings in 2014.
I said NO to hanging out with friends tonight. This one was probably the hardest but I will be spending Saturday 12noon through Sunday 2pm with them. Today, I need to work, I need to get my workout in, I want to spend time with Bentley before we board him (for the first time) tomorrow through Sunday and most of all, I want to get a good night’s sleep to kick this damn cough. I just don’t have it in me to drive 30 minutes from home for a late night when I’ll be up at 7am tomorrow, and seeing everyone the entire rest of the weekend.
And when my mind starts drifting to fears about my work schedule (that will extend from just my Tuesday 8-10pm calls to weekends too this summer) and all of these plans and how we will pay for them if we want to buy a house and have a baby I remind myself… ONE DAY AT A TIME. We will cross that bridge when and if we get there.
And I’m going to start planning and holding myself accountable for my training schedule. Every time I get myself back into the gym and complete a workout as scheduled, I feel like a million bucks. I already took someone on up their offer to hold myself accountable.
I chose this word for a reason. Time to start focusing on it.