Contradictions

I don’t even know where to begin or what to focus on. The past 5 days have been filled with family, work, friends, tri training, craziness!

I realized something last Friday at work. Now that I’m exempt and work has been so busy I haven’t be able to take a traditional lunch. I find myself scarfing down food at my desk while multi-tasking. So on Friday I decided if I was going to be at work for longer hours why not go for a swim during the day? At about 11:50 I went over to the gym down the street from my office, changed, got 20 minutes of laps in, showered and was back to the office by about 1:05. I figure with the extra time I’m putting in once a week it’s OK to get my gym time in during the day.

I wish I could do it every day. It felt great to work out in the middle of the day. My energy is definitely higher and I’m probably a much nicer person to work with. Yesterday at work I was in meeting after meeting so when 2pm rolled around I ran over to the gym, ran 3 miles, showered and got back to work by 3:15. I felt a little nauseous from running around but it was great to get my work out in. While I definitely can’t do it every day, it’s great to realize that once a week I can get one of my workouts in midday.

This past Sunday (it was 6,000 degrees and humid in Boston) I went for a run along the Charles with the bachelor. It was actually really nice to have some time with a guy. I love my girlfriends to death, but once in a while it’s nice to hang out with some testosterone. 😉  I know that the spark isn’t there, but spending time with him was still nice. I take back a lot of what I felt from our initial meeting, turns out he is a great listener, easy to carry on a conversation with, intelligent and just low-key. It seems like we both like the training together friendship versus anything more. As much as my friends may push that something could develop I already know. If I felt it, I wouldn’t be questioning whether I wanted to hang out with him, or if I was attracted to him– I just would be.

Last night I went indoor rock climbing with B.  It was really great because we went to the place he normally goes to and the walls are higher and it’s a totally different atmosphere than the place I went for my lesson. I passed my belay test easily (yay!) and we got to climbing. Maybe it’s the tri training but I definitely felt more in shape and my legs felt a lot stronger.

It was the most friendly it has ever felt with him. There were no text messages after about how great a time it was, there were no moments where he said he almost put his hand on my leg while we were driving – it was just friendly. It was a really strange feeling. Bittersweet maybe? I have to try not to analyze or think about it and instead continue focusing on each day as it comes. When I realize I’m  we’re letting go of each other in that sense, something in me wants to fight. And there just isn’t anything to fight for anymore.

There was a moment that does still have me laughing today. We each had a protein bar before climbing but we didn’t finish until almost 9pm so we were starving when we finished. There’s a Kelly’s Roast Beef drive thru (amazing) so we hit that up on the way out. As I was dipping my first onion ring into cheese sauce (I have to indulge once in a while, right?) without meaning to, I moaned on the first bite. He looked at me and jealously (jokingly) said, “I don’t think I ever even made you moan like that”. What can I say, with the lack of in that department food seems to be taking its place. Ugh, and seriously the lack of is starting to get to me…

We talked a little about our plans for camping this weekend. I’m psyched to just get a day and a half away from the world. We’re headed to alpine slides then camping for a night. We always had the best conversations in the car so I’m looking forward to catching up.

Mostly though I’m really looking forward to just getting out of “the race” for a few days. Now that I have been so busy and running from one thing to the next, I appreciate and look forward to slowing down so much more.

I have been noticing that I just seem to like contradictions. Just like becelisa commented about a man that’s a contradiction (which I very much agree is my type of guy!) I also want a life that seems to be a contradiction. During the week I want my corporate job, my gym sessions, my dinners out with friends, etc in the city – the “fast-paced city life”– but on weekends I want a beach or lake house that I could retreat to to just relax – read, go on trail/beach runs, have a garden, cook/grill dinners, and enjoy the company of someone special.

 

And to add on to the contradictions, I am loving being single for the first time. I want to be single for a while and focus on myself and be totally selfish. But I find myself wishing I could share moments with a partner, or have getaway weekend trips, or just have someone to share my bed with…

Anyway, after a quick bike session at the gym tonight I’m meeting up with 5 of the girls for a picnic on the river. Instead of going out to eat we are each bringing something for the picnic (pasta salad, cheeses, sandwich fixings, wine, etc). It’s exactly the hump day night I need!

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