Sometimes people’s advice on dating and finding the “right” one is completely contradictory.
In a cab going out in DC on Saturday night the cab driver started giving us dating advice. (Meanwhile two of the girls in the cab were married, one in a serious relationship and well, me.) He said, “You have to make the guy your homework. If you don’t study you fail, if you study you do well.”
Then he went on to say, “If you walked into a grocery store and saw a product you liked would you buy? Because if you don’t, someone else will.” He kept saying we had to make an effort if we wanted a guy.
Which goes along with half of what my friends say. That I need to “really put myself out there” by going online, joining new activities, taking every and any opportunity to really make an effort to meet new guys. Because if I don’t make an effort I won’t find someone and apparently at the ripe age of almost 26 they make it sound like they fear I’ll become a crazy cat lady.
And then there’s the other half of my friends who say “I’ll meet the right guy when I stop looking – he’ll just magically pop out of nowhere into my life at the right time“.
Both make sense. I mean the best part of all of this? I’m not asking anyone for advice at this point, it’s just as soon as I say yes I’m single and no I’m not dating anyone people start spouting off all these single friends they may have that I should really consider. Sure A has this single friend and he might be a little weird or even gay but I should really give him a chance.
Really?
…Really?
At this point I’m just, well I don’t know. Of course I want to meet someone. Of course I miss intimacy in so many ways. But right now I don’t want to make finding someone my full-time job. I’m really happy and enjoying life and enjoying my crush even if it won’t go anywhere.
But sometimes what others say starts to seep in and I start to worry, will I be the only one left alone if I don’t start trying?
nope. we’ll be crazy old cat ladies together 😉
seriously though, why are relationships given so much priority in life? if you’re happy with your friends, your job, your hobbies, yourself … why does not being with someone somehow make your life incomplete to the point where you have to worry about it? look around at some of the people you know that are in relationships … are they necessarily happier than you? less stressed? complete? doubtful. in fact maybe quite the contrary. getting out there, enjoying life, trying new things should be more about adding to your own life enjoyment and self discovery. if you happen to meet someone then great! but then you have to deal with a whole new set of problems and issues. as long as you’re happy that’s what counts!
Don’t worry, you’ll stay have me I’m guessing!
I have heard it all, as well. Including the contradiction of “Put in the effort” and “It’ll happen when you’re not looking!” Well guess what? I don’t ever really foresee myself “not looking.” I want love too much and am not willing to give up 🙂
I think it’s all about keeping the door of possibility open, all while living a happy, fulfilled life in the meantime.