Archive for May, 2011

How often do you do settle for things out of convenience? Spend a little more on groceries because that store is closer? Pay a ticket/fee of some sort because the effort of fighting it sounds like too much? Pay too much on rent, or stay in the same job, or pick up fast-food because it’s just so convenient.

I’ve been thinking about this all today because of an interaction I had with my doctor last week.

Basically I chose my current doctor because I can walk to her from work, she has extended hours and she’s a family practitioner (she’s my regular doctor and gyno all in one). If I call I can almost always get myself scheduled in, and I’m actually taken in on time.

But on the flip side… She’s an older woman who rarely spends time talking to you, seems to a bit flighty, and only has very young girls working the front desk who seem very unaware of privacy and the ability to schedule. One time I had an appointment with her for my results from blood work and I walked into her office and she asked what I was there for. When I told her she then told me they hadn’t come back yet. Shouldn’t someone have notified me and not made me come in for an appointment?

Well last week I went in for what I knew was more than a cold. After hearing my breathing she quickly decided I had bronchitis and an ear infection and prescribed amoxicillin.

Then she ushered me out of the office.

As she quickly started walking to the front desk to hand over my chart I remembered, don’t some medications interfere with birth control?

I asked if it did, yup in front of the front desk girl and waiting room, and she very causally responded, “Just while you’re on it.”

I’m on it for 10 days. 10 days. That’s quite a window for interference!

Had I not asked I could have gone home and not worried about the possibility of getting pregnant.

Over the past weekend I’ve also felt like I’ve been crazy. While I don’t think my mood with the Townie was completely off the charts my mood swings were (are) ridiculous. As are the bouts of really unpleasant stomach issues. 😦

After a little research today, those too can be side effects of amoxicillin.

I’m not sure if this is the doctor’s responsibility or the pharmacists? I guess I’m just used to having doctor’s who spend a few more minutes answering questions or explaining things.

I feel like this time, the cost of convenience was way too high. I think it’s time for a new doctor.

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The Townie and my relationship so far has been smooth sailing. For the most part we get along, we have fun and it’s just easy.

But over the weekend I started to feel myself question things.

Now there are two different types of concerns I have with him. The superficial ones, the ones which I know are because I’ve been single for a year and not used to sharing again. Like someone barging into the bathroom while I’m in it without knocking, or the constant chatting while I need some quiet time, or the feeling of having someone on top of you all.the.time.

I know that a lot of those are just adjustment issues. They could easily go away with a little communication.

But then there are the real issues. Can I see myself with this person still in 2 years? Deep down, I’m pretty sure the answer is no.

This past weekend, for an entire day he talked about the future. We could do this, and we can do that, and on and on. But somehow we just couldn’t hold a conversation about anything current. I can’t talk to him for hours the way I did with others. We don’t have that connection.

I feel like certain people bring out the best qualities in you. They challenge you, sometimes without them knowing, to be a better you. Maybe that means listening more, or being more thoughtful, or trying new activities, or learning to stand on your own feet. And there are definitely people out there who do the opposite. They can bring out the worst in you, they become party buddies, or gossipers, or negative and try to bring you down too. However, you still learn from them and you learn about yourself.

But there’s an in between those too. In the beginning the Townie forced me in a way to look past judgements and stereotypes. But now that we’re past that, it just is. I don’t feel overly excited or ambitious in our relationship. I don’t feel like I want to push myself to learn new things, or be active, or dress up each time we see each other. On the other hand I can see my influence on him, maybe too much so. I say I might go to church, he wants to go to church, I say I want this for dinner, he wants that for dinner.

I know the comparing game is dangerous, and trust me, there are qualities in B that I never want in my next relationship. But now I see qualities that I think I need. I need someone I can sit and talk to for a long car drive. I need someone who supports me while still pushing me to be the best me. I want the relationship to grow (and understand there will be growing pains). I just need someone who brings something into the relationship.

So I guess the question is, where do I go from here? We have a weekend away together this weekend. I am looking forward to it and would still like to go.

But at what point does this become unfair? Even if I were to say to him, I’m not sure how I feel, (which I did this past weekend – and it resulted in hours of him saying how things were good) I can tell he would stay with me. For the hope that it might change. I know I could stay with him for a bit longer an have fun but I really don’t want to hurt him. I do care about him, I think he’s great, and his family is wonderful but it’s not enough.

I wish it was.

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While my mind is mostly thinking about how I’d like to be on the beautiful beach below today, a conversation with the Townie last night got me thinking.

Transport me here now.


Last night the Townie and I were lying in bed chatting while I coughed up a storm. (Got my meds yesterday, the official word is I have bronchitis and an ear infection. Waaah. )

We were talking about how for the most part, we really get along. We communicate well, we respect each other fully and it just seems easy.

I’m not sure how it came up, but he said, “The only thing I can see us fighting over is your relationship with your ex“.

On the one hand, he says he trusts me 100% and doesn’t mind that I do maintain a friendship with B. But he’s wary of it, and deep down I know it bothers him a bit. I don’t want it to bother him.

I know I’m being a bit selfish. I don’t want to give B up. It breaks my heart a thousand times over to think I couldn’t check in once in a while with him and catch-up over dinner. I know the Townie would never force him out of my life, but at some point am I supposed to offer?

I tried to explain, which probably came out in the worst way, that I will always love B. No I’m not in love with him any more. But there’s a connection, an attachment, a deep care to continue having him in my life. I’m finally at this place where envisioning him with someone else is ok, as long as that person makes him happy and treats him really well. But envisioning my life without doesn’t seem ok.

The Townie said his fear is that I’m not really over him. But I don’t know if I ever will be 100% over B. That doesn’t mean I want to get back together with him, or ever envision a shared life again. My heart is already falling for the Townie. But is it ok to still love B while that happens?

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The sun was shining so brightly into my room this morning that 6am felt like 8am. I kept thinking that the Townie and I overslept our alarms.

As annoying as it is to be sick (doctor’s appointment today, I’ll save the gross details but my cough confirmed it’s real sick and not just allergies), I woke up feeling really content.

Monday night I sat with 7 of the girls eating, drinking and celebrating 3 of them graduating from master’s programs.  It was my favorite kind of night. Relaxed with lots of catching up! 🙂

Last night the Townie came over and we went for a quick jog (I thought it might help me get over being sick) then picked up sandwiches from one of my favorite restaurants, Parish Cafe,  in Boston. I always get the Elephant Walking on Eggs but my friends rave about the Pudding Portobello sandwich and the The Regal Regis. What I love about Parish is that it’s a menu full of sandwiches that local chefs around Boston created specifically for this place. You just know that you don’t have to change anything about your order because it’s going to be that delicious just as they created it.

This weekend is full of fun stuff. Saturday the Townie and I are spending our first full day together (our schedules make for lots of nights and mornings but rarely an afternoon). We’re headed to check out an area where he might buy a condo and walk around. Then Saturday night we already bought tickets to see…

Sunday morning I’m running Boston’s Run to Remember with my friend K “for her birthday”.  After she’s hosting a bbq at her place – which will be the first time my friends will really meet and get to know the Townie.

And in even more exciting news…my friends and I officially booked our traditional week long summer beach getaway for this summer! 🙂

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Okay remember this post about how it had been an entire year since I had any sort of cold?

And then weeks later I had this cold?

Well guess what? For a little over a week now I’ve been fighting a cold . I felt the chest cough coming, the heavy head feeling and the sluggishness.

This morning I woke up achy. The kind where if you touch my skin I just want to cry because it’s sensitive. My head is pounding, my throat is burning and my chest hurts when taking deep breaths.

I have a 5 mile race this weekend. I will run it.

Therefore tonight I’m headed home after work and drinking a gallon of water and getting into bed early. I will not be sick anymore.

But it’s bothering me that every few weeks I’m being hit with this cold. What is causing it to resurface?

Lack of sleep? But while I was finishing grad school and with B, I was getting up at all hours of the night to finish so it can’t be any worse now.

Eating unhealthy? Could be part of it, although I think the unhealthiest I’ve ever eaten was the two years with B and I stayed so healthy during our two years plus the year after we broke up.

Less exercise? Maybe this is it. What had been at minimum 3 days a week has become 1-2 days a week.

New building? My office moved into a new building where I now share an office (I used to have a very private cube). Our office is open to a hallways of cubicles and other offices. A lot of people on the floor keep getting sick (lots of coughing going on right now).

I need to stop getting sick!

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It’s no secret that I have a hard time getting veggies into my diet. (Insert blog world gasp here.) I just love my french fries. And bacon. And anything other than veggies. But I know the health benefits and I’ve really tried to find veggies that I like and can be easily added into my life over the past year.

The one veggie that I enjoy, crave and can easily eat every day is spinach. I’m not even talking cooked spinach (though I love that too) or throwing it into an omelet, sandwich or salad.

I prefer my spinach raw. Completely raw, alone and just eaten in big green handfuls. I know it sounds weird, but I think everyone has a weird eating habit!

My office mate thinks I’m a rabbit. I think Popeye would be proud.

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Okay so Sunday was relaxing only instead of sitting on my couch my friend C called me to go for a walk. It was actually the perfect Sunday afternoon activity! We walked a mile down to another town to get frozen yogurt before a nice leisurely mile walk back. I did my grocery shopping, a quick clean of the apartment, changed my sheets and then sat down and watched about 4 hours of tv on my dvr. Not as productive as I should have been but it was really nice to get a chance to just chat with my friend. I think a lot of walks are in my future!

This morning I woke up early to make the cupcakes for the girl’s graduation celebration tonight. All 8 of us girls, food, champagne and cupcakes = a very fun night to look forward to! 🙂

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