Archive for July, 2011


Last year I read Danielle’s “I…” post  and loved the idea of it. I immediately copied it and made my own “I post”

When I came across her version again this year, I knew I wanted to do it again too. The best part was that I wrote out my answers and then compared last year to this years. What a difference.

I am… so excited about my vacation with a few girlfriends next week

I want…a house, or better yet just more space than my tiny HOT studio apartment

I have… a sugar coma from eating 3 donuts today

I wish… I would be at my happy weight

I know…that I can have everything I want but I need to stop rushing to get it

I hate…when people talk really slowly. Sorry, I just want to bang my head against the wall while waiting for your sentence to be finished

I hear…people typing.

I crave… a few days at the beach, with a good book, and a good night’s sleep after getting a tan

I search…for future trips with the Townie

I always…drink at least 68 ounces of water a day

I usually…have to tell myself to “keep calm and carry on” at least once a day

I miss… my friendship with B, carefree highschool days, and seeing my girlfriends almost every day

I love… Pretty Little Liars

I never…thought I’d be planning the Townie & my engagement scenario in my head…

I rarely…wash my dishes, do my laundry and take out the trash after the first time that I say I need to

I cry… when I see other people’s feelings getting hurt.

I lose…patience when people bring drama into their lives

I should…save more money, clean my apartment and eat healthier

I worry…about my life choices and if they are what will make me the happiest

I dream…too vividly and end up mad at people because of what they did in my dreams

I was…heartbroken the last time I took this survey

I need… to catch up on all my dvr’ed shows

I can…not even imagine what the future is going to bring 🙂

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Maybe I should have saved yesterday’s post title for today.

Today I found out that one of my coworkers (from another office) is leaving.

He’s my sanity at my job. My peer. My comic relief. And my friend. 😦

I know it’ll all work out in the end, and there’s always going to be turnover at jobs and in life really, but I’m really going to miss him.

I cancelled my plans for tonight. For the first time in a while, and really the only chance for a while, I am going home after work, stretching myself on my yoga mat, cooking some dinner and watching my netflix disc 1 of season 3 of TRUE BLOOD!

And on a fitness note, last night the Townie and I went swimming! It was really fun to take someone “lap swimming” for their first time. I remember how humbling my first true swim was.  The Townie who happens to be in what I consider peak shape, had a rough time with laps.

After 2 laps he took a 5 minute break. Then he did 3 more laps, each one with a 2-3 minute break in between. Then he promptly said he thought he was going to puke.

I think it really surprised him how tough it is. And now it’s a challenge for him so I easily convinced him to come again with me on Friday! 🙂

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Today is just one of those days. I’m hormonal. That causes irritability and rage combined with a horrible headache. Add in a few people at work who are acting as if I am their secretary today and then getting a backhanded compliment from someone. It’s driving me just a bit nuts that since my soon to be promotion announcement, it feels like I’m being pushed a step back.

ANYWAY, as much as I want to whine, and eat cheese fries in a cold ac’ed comfy bed while watching Pretty Little Liars…I won’t be.

So here’s what’s great about today:

1. I woke up feeling rested. Thank God for a night under 85 degrees so I could actually sleep.

2. I had a nice catch-up lunch with my friend V. We’ve felt distant for a while and seriously it was nice to feel reconnected again.

3. I did a basic cleaning of my apartment last night along with 3 loads of laundry. Going home today into a clean-ish apartment is going to feel amazing.

4. I am seeing the Townie tonight. We’re swimming together (I really believe the benefits of working out together as a couple) then having dinner and relaxing. I’m more than looking forward to some cuddle sessions with him 😉

5. 3 more days to this work week. This weekend I have 3 besties from NY coming up for touristy Boston fun. Then next week I have training. Then the week after that…VACATION WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS AT THE BEACH!!!


 photo from weheartit.com

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This past weekend was a fun one, but in some ways it was a roller coaster of emotions.

Early in the week the Townie and I bought movie tickets online to see Friday’s showing of Bad Teacher.  Once we got to the theater we found out that Harry Potter had taken over all of the theaters and our movie had been cancelled. We ended up getting a refund AND a pair of free tickets to see a movie any time we want. Score.

Since the movie was cancelled the Townie and I headed to Target. I’m sponsoring a 5-year-old little girl going into Kindergarten so I needed to pick up a backpack, lunch bag, folders, crayons, etc. My favorite part of school was always the back-to-school shopping so it was really fun. Even though it was a mundane, silly little Friday night – the Townie and I both agreed we had so much fun together.

Saturday morning we headed to a diner for breakfast and then I asked if he would be interested in taking a walk through my area so I could take pictures with my Canon Rebel that has been sitting in its box for months.

The Townie then headed home to an engagement party and I attempted a quick run (a painful 2 miler) before I headed to my friend’s goodbye party. (She’s moving to Canada 😦 )

After a few hours there, I rushed home, showered and got ready for the Townie to pick me up. His sister had her bridal shower earlier that day and wanted us to stop by for a drink and the whole crowd from the engagement party he attended was planning on going out in Boston so we were meeting up with them.

We had a quick drink at his sister’s where she had about 25 people over. It’s been nice getting to know his sister since with B, I was so close to his sister. After we went to meet up with his friends. While I like the Townie’s friends a few of their girlfriends/fiances/wives aren’t exactly the nicest girls. The Townie is my age (26) so the significant others of his friends are all around my age but they seem pretty immature. But a few of them are miserable. I give people the benefit of the doubt, and I’ll be nothing but nice, but they can be really catty, mean, insecure and the opposite of welcoming with a new person in “the group”.

I’m trying my hardest not to let those girls get to me, but I haven’t dealt with “mean girls” in a long time. I just don’t have the patience for it. The rest of the night was fun, mostly because I was dancing around with the Townie (I danced he swayed) before we headed home where I devoured two slices of pizza that were bigger than my head.

Sunday morning I woke up feeling hung over. Too much sun, too much sugar, and way too much prosecco and vodka was not a good combination. I stayed in bed until 12:30pm when I had to go meet my friend S to swim for the first time in months.

As painful and uncomfortable as I felt, the swim somehow made me feel a bit better. Maybe the chlorine soaked up the alcohol. 😉 After a good amount of laps, we got on spin bikes for about 15 minutes before I spent a good 20 minutes stretching.

I got home in the afternoon with lots of plans to clean and organize my life. The hangover won. I napped on and off for a few hours, watched tv, and was back into bed early. I decided this morning that at least until training, I need to take a bit of a break from drinking. A glass of wine here and there is fine, but nights like Saturday night really left me useless yesterday. It also seems to mess with my mood a bit making me sensitive, depressed and lazy.

Today though, is the start to a good week. 🙂

*all of these photos were taken by me 🙂

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Last night I had dinner with B.

I walked to meet him after work at one of our old meeting spots. As I walked towards the meeting spot, I saw him before he saw me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to feel when I got closer. Sad? Excited? Indifferent?

And then we caught eyes as I got closer, and we both smiled and it just felt right to give him a big hug.

It felt nostalgic. And comforting. And easy.

We walked to his truck to drive over to a Mexican place outside the city. We quickly fell into our normal conversation pace – catching-up on the old, the new, the wants, the dislikes, the good, the different, etc.

As he was dropping me off at home we parked outside my apartment and continued chatting for about 15 minutes. There he mentioned a sensitive voicemail he had left me a few weeks ago. I never got it. He left it the night I was trying to get home from Florida (and got stuck in Baltimore during storms) and for whatever reason I never got that voicemail.

Funny how things works out like that. I don’t know what he said on that voicemail, and maybe it’s better I never did get to hear it.

We gave each other a big hug goodbye and I went inside and sat down to catch-up on shows before chatting with the Townie before bed.

And in early hours this morning when insomnia hit again, I received an email from B that started with this:

 It was so nice to see you tonight. Thank you for taking time to have dinner with  me. I felt like I could talk for hours more, when we got to your house.

I can’t lie, there’s of course a nostalgic feeling with B. There are moments where I just want to hop in his truck and drive up to Maine and chat with the radio off the whole way.

But deep down I know that’s no longer what I want.

What I want is to see him happy, truly happy. I want him to keep moving forward.

And I want to be happy. Maybe that means with the Townie, maybe it’ll be someone else in the end.

Whatever happens I know it won’t be B standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me to walk down it. But I do know he’ll be standing in a pew smiling for me.

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I don’t know why but I’ve been sleeping really poorly lately, especially on Wednesday nights. Maybe it’s the combination of work stress and mid-week stress but the racing thoughts and half awake/half dreaming state is so frustrating.

I thought last night I’d sleep really well after hitting up a spin class. My teacher was hilarious, in fact at one point as a class we “freed Willy” together by biking a steep hill with the whale on our back to a Michael Jackson song. Ridiculous? Maybe, but we all pushed hard.

I got into bed around 11 but since I was completely awake, I read until around 12:30am. Finally I closed the book hoping I’d pass out but the insomnia kicked in full force.

So when I did semi-fall asleep around 4:30am and my alarm went off shortly after at 5:55am, I wanted to cry.

And shout. And whine. And throw the stupid thing across the room, snuggle under my covers and sleep the day away.

This isn’t a new feeling, it’s become my Thursday morning special.

But I had to get up to meet my trainer. 6:30am on Thursday mornings is spent doing strength training.

Every single time I finish with him, I realize that my crappy mood, my negative thought toward the day, my anxiety – all of it – is gone.  Just for that, he’s worth every single penny.

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One of my biggest pain points for tri training is swimming. And it’s not the actual swimming part that’s the issue. I actually love the feeling of getting into the pool and zoning out, doing laps in the cool water. [I say this even though I haven’t swam since my last tri…yeah that was August 2010.]

But I very much dislike swimming trying to swim at my gym. 3 tiny lanes are always overcrowded – no matter what hours I try to go. People immediately try to cram 3 swimmers into one lane which is fine except when you’re forced to go faster or slower than your body is telling you to because someone is wacking their hands down on your feet or your face is colliding into someone’s feet.

But today’s Groupon made me HAPPY.

25 visits to any local YMCA that I choose for $25. I jumped on that deal. With designated lap and open lanes and an actual olympic size pool with hours from 7am to 9:45pm I have no excuse but to get my swim in.

Ha, I wish this was where I was swimming.

Anyway, it’s actually easier to go later at night with my schedule and I can easily drive and park there to do so. Now it’s time to squeeze myself back into the oh-so-flattering full piece…

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The electrical wiring in my 4th floor apartment is old. If I try to run the hairdryer at the same time as the microwave, the power shuts off. And when the power shuts off, I have to run four flights down, and one long hallway over, to a dark dingy basement to flip the power back on.

Do you know where I’m going with this?

Yeah, an air conditioner won’t actually work in my apartment. It’s been 90+ degrees in Boston this week. Do you know what that makes it inside my apartment? 104 degrees. 😦

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I know everyone has heard the saying, “it’s the thought that counts”.

When someone attempts to make a fantastic birthday cake but forgets key ingredients, it’s the thought that counts.

When someone attempts to make you a creative little art project and (it’s truthfully pretty hideous) it’s totally the thought that counts.

When someone tries their hardest to spend time with you but then gets into a car accident,  has to deal with 4 hours of police nonsense – well then it’s the thought AND the effort that count!

However, when people have the best intentions, and are thinking about you, or doing something they know might make your day but don’t — guess what? The thought means crap.

I have a habit of doing that.

The other night I was thinking about my childhood nanny and how much I used to love her. I actually went to the school nurse in second grade with a hangnail and asked to be sent home (just so I could spend the day with her). Apparently, I was ridiculously convincing because they did send me home. And yes I enjoyed every minute of the afternoon watching Days of Our Lives and eating grilled cheese.

Anyway, I thought about how I haven’t talked to her in years. I think about her all the time because she had such a large part in shaping my childhood. Why don’t I ever just reach out and send a card or give her a call?

Then there’s my Dad. I know he’s ridiculously sensitive and every year I come up with these fabulous birthday ideas for him and yet somehow I find myself two days before scrambling for a card and a gift card that will inevitably get there 1 day after his birthday.

He means the world to me. I know he takes his birthday (and communication from his daughters) to the heart. In my head it’s clear how much I care about him and yet my actions aren’t showing it. He deserves to be shown it.

I may have really great thoughts and feelings about people. I may even have the best intentions. But when they can’t see or know any of that, well then it’s no longer just the thought that counts. It’s the action. The visible effort.

I’m trying really hard to change my thoughts and intentions into action.

So I’m telling myself, as Nike says, JUST DO IT.


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