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Archive for the ‘Ironman 70.3’ Category

I had a long conversation with my Mom on Tuesday. It’s funny actually, in the past few years, especially since getting married I tend to go to the Husband for almost everything but, there are still times when I need my Mom. She asked exactly what everyone else has been asking. Well, in her therapist like Mom way.

Why are you doing the half-ironman?
For a number of reasons I said, first for fun, second for fitness and third it’s something I’ve always had in the back of my mind to do in my lifetime.

Well, are you having fun?
The answer was no. For a few months now, it’s obviously clear I’ve been struggling. Workouts that should be fun became a chore. Training somehow always became lowest priority. Anxiety and stress was always looming. I found myself so moody and negative when thinking of the months ahead. The whole point was to enjoy the next few months as much as possible before trying to expand our family, and I feel like we’re now in the opposite place. I’m wishing away the time.

Are you getting fit?
Yes, although I’m not losing weight because I’m stress eating. I keep wanting to try to change around my diet but keep fearing of messing with my training. But endurance and strength wise, I’m doing really well. I would regret stopping training in all ways or not doing something with my training.

Is this the only time in your life you think you can do a half-ironman?
No, it’s not. I hope it’s not at least. I have future fitness goals of all sorts.. a half ironman… a marathon…short races post baby like 5ks and 10ks. I want to do it all for the rest of my life.

And so the answer became a bit more clear. I’m not doing the half-ironman this year.

I am signed up and doing a triathlon at the end of June in its place, when my Mom will actually be home from Alaska and plans to come watch. A race that is 4 miles from my in-laws meaning everyone can come watch, and then we can all go to a celebratory breakfast after.

I don’t know if I’ll regret this decision. I just know that right now, I don’t. I feel relief. I feel happiness. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. Something in my gut kept saying now isn’t the time – some fear, not even about physically finishing but more so the risks involved – and it wouldn’t go away. And so now, I feel pretty pumped about competing in a regular triathlon. One that with my recent training, I’m actually excited to crush in comparison to any tri I’ve done before.

The hardest part, or so I thought would be, was telling everyone. Each conversation I felt like a failure when I started to explain that I’ve dropped out this year. Yet each time, friends and family were unbelievably understanding and all reminded me of the same thing – if I’m doing it for fun, and it’s not fun, it’s defeating the purpose. It’s been sort of  a “duh” moment really.

This Saturday I’m going on an early morning ride with two girlfriends. Then this Sunday I have my duathlon. Then a few weeks of training, training that I’m actually really excited to do, and training that won’t be taking over my life, before crushing this June triathlon. In the meantime, I want to just enjoy the next few months. I want to go St. Thomas with all the women in my family in May and lay on the beach, eat, drink, and get a few workouts in – relaxing in the best possible way. I want to eat healthier. I want to spend time with the Husband and friends. I want to make plans at last-minute, I want to sleep in, I want to have a glass of wine or two without feeling guilty. There’s a real possibility we want to start trying to expand our family this summer, and more than ever, I need to be honest with myself about how I want to spend my time.

So here’s to the next few months – enjoying life and being true to myself.

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I broke my lent promise this morning. When my alarm went off at 5:40, I shut it off. I didn’t even snooze, I just said, absolutely not. I’ve had over a week straight now of 5:40am mornings. I actually have been loving my morning workouts and really do like getting them in before work.

However, yesterday, I hit training hard. I got up at 5:40 and took an intense flywheel class. When lunch time rolled around at work, I took another. That’s almost 2 hours of intense biking. I’m talking all out each class, hills and sprints for 600+ calorie burning classes, and somehow I found myself having the energy to go harder in the second class. In reality, that’s just a blip of what I’ll be doing on race day – but I think the combination of my 6 days straight last week, (Saturday off), then another couple of days of hard training in combination with getting my period and my body just wanted sleep this morning. I am not even sore per say (I’m tight for sure) but I just wanted more than 6 -7 hours of sleep (especially because I’m still adjusting to the Husband coming into bed, tossing/turning/and talking). And so I slept another glorious hour and woke up at 6:40 feeling much, much better.

My boss has said a few times that I should feel free to adjust my work hours since I’m putting an average of 5-10 night hours in total each week with this project. So today I am finally taking her up on that offer and I’m leaving work to catch a 4pm train. That gives me enough time to head straight to the gym, get my hour run in, then pick Bentley up, heat up my leftovers for dinner and start my night calls.

I’m having severe hatred towards the scale right now. I feel great. I’m eating better (not fantastic, but better for sure and I’m tracking calories and portions), and I’m working out 6 days a week. My clothes are fitting better, my body feels more energized and my stomach feels like it’s slowly making its way back to the inside of my pants (versus hanging over… 😉 ) So whyyyyy isn’t the scale budging? I know the whole losing inches, gaining muscle, but seriously? Can’t it budge a few pounds and make me feel better?

This weather is really getting to me. I normally love snow and winter, but I’m over it by February. It’s March 25th and we are getting hit with 3-6 inches of snow tonight. This is the first time I ever remember being truly depressed about the weather. The temps are still frigid, and even down to the low teens at night. It just feels windy and dreary. I need warmth and sun. I want to feel motivated to go for a walk outside or happily walk to my car at 5:40am instead of constantly shivering, and feeling unmotivated to go outside. If it wouldn’t set off my old addiction (still going strong!) I’d probably go fake tanning just to feel warmth and sun. Bring on Spring, please!

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Sometimes all I need to stay motivated is to see my progress. Not just “feel” it, but see data in some form or another that proves I’m making progress. I know I can see it on the scale, a few pounds lost in the last couple of weeks. I know I can see it among my training plan – longer, harder workouts. But something about seeing the data from Flywheel, to literally see that I have consistently pushed harder each class, makes me so very happy.

Flywheel_Progress
I don’t care as much about MAX TORQ (resistance) in that it really depends on the instructor you get (some prefer hills, some prefer sprints). I also think the average speed is pulled from who knows where because, while it’s one hell of a high intensity class, unless you’re faster than Lance Armstrong, you’re not going an average of 30mph. However to see my total power (an equation of RPM and TORQ) jump higher and higher each week – confirms my feeling that I’m working hard, getting stronger and faster.

Sometimes that’s all I need to keep pushing forward. It’s what  just motivated me to sign up for a duathlon in a month. A short course, but one I love, (actually, I first referenced it here), and I would love to have a mini-goal on the way to this bigger 70.3 goal. A good way to ease myself back into the tri scene, get comfortable on my bike, and go into an event with confidence.

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A good week

This has been a tough work week. Long, long hours –and a lot of feeling like I can’t do anything right. I was trying hard to get good sleep too, only to be woken up by Bentley every few hours. He’s had a strange few nights this week where all he wanted to do was sleep in our bed even though he normally loves his crate. For two nights we allowed it because we didn’t want to hear his whining, and never should have – I hardly slept that little bed hog– and then he thought it could be the norm – so much so that when it was bedtime he would run upstairs ahead of us and jump on the bed and pretend to be asleep…I kid you not. I ended up letting him whine it out at 3am last night for about 10 minutes before he fell back asleep in his crate. We plan to be careful about allowing him in our bed because there’s no way all 3 of us will be sleeping there nightly.

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Anyway, you know what has been keeping me sane? My workouts and eating healthier. I’m not just saying that, I mean it 100%. I’ve been following my training plan and tracking my eats (and portions) in MyFitnessPal.

I’m also currently taking part in a DietBet with Chris Powell and his wife that started this past weekend. The whole concept is interesting, but one that speaks to my wanting to win, socially motivated and loving free money self. Essentially you put in $30 and your goal is to lose 4% of your weight in 4 weeks. If you lose your 4% target, you’re guaranteed to get your $30 at a minimum back. In this case, the pot is $116,490 among 3,885. Now it’s unlikely (and unheard of) that everyone who enters actually loses their 4% target, meaning those of us who do, get to split their money. Usually they say you get anywhere from 1.5x to 2x your initial buy-in. Either way it has seriously kept me motivated and made me think twice before grabbing a pre-bed treat.

As for my workouts this week? I’ve hit them all so far! I’ve switched around the days slightly (I decided to use yesterday as my off day instead of Saturday since I worked out Sunday – Wednesday and my legs just felt dead). Even with losing an hour of sleep (painful) I pushed myself to get in a few workouts before work, and still hit my other workouts after work.

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…yes AM.

I can’t believe how much better I feel after only a week. I feel better in my clothes, I feel more energized, I feel excited about training and most of all, I feel more sane.

It’s been a really good week…and a great deal that I made with Becelisa. 😉

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I’ve said it before, but I have a tendency to write a lot more when I’m in a negative or confused place. I wanted to be sure to document some things from the past two weeks because really, life has been good!

The Husband and I watched episodes 1-7 of True Detective on Sunday. Yes 7 (1 hour) episodes straight. To say we can’t wait for the finale this weekend is an understatement. That show is strange and so damn addicting. Watch it.

We took Bentley on an hour hike together on Sunday, the Husband’s idea, and it was so nice to spend time just the three of us outside, even though it was cold and icy. Bentley was so well behaved…that is until he ran up and grabbed something off the ground. We went to pull it out of his mouth and out came what looked like a dirty baby wipe. We both said to each other, no that must be mud on that wipe. Mind you, we were hiking in a really nice, wealthy, reservation area. A few hundred yards later we spotted a pair of torn boxers, covered in shit, with a bunch of used baby wipes next to them. We spent the rest of the walk hands out, gagging, just wanting to get home and sanitize ourselves.

The weekend before this last one, I bought a new car! Well, I traded my 12-year-old Honda in for a 2014 Jeep Patriot lease. I know a lot of people didn’t understand, but it was oddly emotional saying goodbye to that car. It was MY first ever car, and it is tied to so many memories. However, driving around in a nice new car, that I’m not worried will break down or get stuck in a snow bank, is pretty sweet. 🙂

This actual past weekend we had friends from college come out, with their 7 month old baby. I swear I have never seen such a happy, easy-going baby. It definitely didn’t help my baby fever and I actually think it sparked it a bit more in the Husband. We still plan to wait until after my half-ironman (at earliest).

I was so happy to see Bentley’s reaction to having a baby in the house. He was curious, sweet (kept wanting to lick his feet) and oddly calm –at one point I was holding the baby, sitting in the dog bed and Bentley came over, sat down and put his head on my leg. It was one of those moments looking at the baby sitting on my left leg, and the puppy resting on my right leg that I felt, this is pure happiness, and the Husband and I will have this one day. Granted, the baby was in our house for only a few hours, so we still plan to have the behaviorist come and help us prepare him and all that jazz, but I’m still relieved.

Speaking of Bentley, he is back in daycare/going on long walks after being neutered. Life feels far less hectic now that Bentley is more tired, and we actually have more time to have lives.

Our wedding schedule this year keeps getting crazier. We now have the following weddings: July 26th, (August 30th got cancelled (well they decided to make it a family only wedding), yay!), September 20th, October TBD [friends moving home from England having their American reception], November 1st, and December 31st. Plus showers and bachelorettes for all. No more please.

I’m trying really hard to pull myself out of this half-ironman funk. Let’s see if I were to be completely honest… I’m doubting myself. Flat-out doubting myself. So much so that I thought, hmm I could just get pregnant now and not do it. But I don’t want that. I also know, deep down, if I don’t do this now – it will be one of, if not my biggest, regret to date. I think that the best athletes are consistent. For the next few months all I want to do is consistently get these workouts in, no matter the pace. Just get them in. It’s true, I honest to God just want to finish – that’s my only goal!

I went to bed at 9:45pm last night – that’s the earliest in a long time. I was up at 5:40am thinking I was still tired but after my train ride and completing my 45 minute run class – I felt, and still feel, fantastic. The power of sleep…and coffee!

I am so, so, so over the cold weather. I like winter and I love snow, but it’s March. I need sunny mid 50’s now not 20’s with wind chills down to single digits. This weather makes me just want to get home, bundle under covers, lay on the couch, eat hearty meals and watch TV. After doing that since December, it’s time for a change. I never thought weather would affect me this much, but it’s really draining me.

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Tick tock

“You don’t play triathlon. You play soccer; it’s fun. You play baseball. Triathlon is work that can leave you crumpled in a heap, puking by the roadside. It’s the physical brutality of climbing Mount Everest without the great view from the top of the world. What kind of person keeps coming back for more of that?”

With not all that much time left, I need to start getting serious about my training.

I’d love to say I’ve been consistent and training hard for the past weeks/months… I will be honest and say I haven’t been, not even close. Finally though, I’m starting to feel the need to stay consistent. To plan it out better. To stop making excuses. And my head is slowly starting to believe that just maybe, my body can do this.

This week on the schedule was:

Monday: 30 min swim, 60 min bike
Tuesday: Off
Wednesday: Strength
Thursday: 90 minute run
Friday: 30 min swim, 60 min bike
Saturday: 45 minute run
Sunday: 1hr 45 minute bike, 15 min run

What has actually happened / will hopefully happen:

Monday: 25 minute swim, 60 min bike (swim cut short from goggles leaking)
Tuesday: Strength
Wednesday: Off
Thursday: Off
Friday: 60 min bike
Saturday: Hopefully 90 minute run
Sunday: Hopefully 1hr 45 minute bike, 15 min run (and maybe even a short swim before)

And here’s how my schedule is going to change. I’m going to take Saturdays off from now on. Having Tuesday as an off day, doesn’t feel like an off day because of my night-time work calls. Instead, I know I need a full weekend day off to keep myself motivated during the week. I signed back up for my running class at my gym on Tuesday mornings. That’s an hour run every Tuesday, no excuses and I love that class! I think I forgot that finding alternatives to get myself motivated is acceptable.

I also know, I need to get my workout done in the morning. Getting up at 5:40am really isn’t that bad, and to get an hour of biking in before work, is ideal. Starting my day off today with spin put me in a much better mood and now I get to look forward to spending the evening with my best girlfriend without feeling guilty. (And I give myself extra credit because my recently neutered spaz puppy tried to jump ON the bed at 5:40am – not allowed – and when I went to grab his collar, he jumped – into my nose – causing my first ever bloody nose. And I still got myself to spinning – no excuses!)

I also know, especially after talking with Becelisa, if I miss a few swims, it’s not the end of the world. But I need to get my bike and runs in – it’s where I’ll make up the most time by far.

Becoming more consistent, feeling more in control of my schedule, and making my training a priority is all it takes. Let’s hope this motivation sticks.

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I’m thinking an alien abducted my well-trained, confident almost 6 month old puppy. He has been replaced by a spastic, terrified of everything (well not everything, just ridiculous things like me going into the bathroom, or the dishwasher opening, or someone he can’t see talking), he seems to have lost his hearing and decides when to listen, he barks out of nowhere, at nothing. I am hoping our second round of classes, Good Manners, will help us get through this phase. Or maybe it’s time to do a little snipping…

I’m feeling slightly guilty, still, about taking Bentley to daycare 1-2 days a week. Today I dropped him for a half day, to help get his zoomies out while I work from home and focus on what needs to get done. So far he seems to love going, and I know it’s a benefit to both of us, but I have this lingering guilt that I’m losing bonding time and taking the easy way out. I think I feel worse because…it’s nice to have a break and somehow that makes me feel awful, as if I don’t love him and it’s not that at all.

I’m sort of dreading my new Tokyo project after only a week of going at it so far. To say I have no idea what I’m doing is an understatement. I also didn’t realize how having a work call at 8pm (after starting the day with 9am meetings) feels like long one work day bleeding into the next work day. In addition, I have to work 24/7 the weekend of the actual move and right now it’s slated for late July/early August … exactly when I have a wedding, two wedding showers and two wedding bachelorettes – all of which are good friends and I know would be made a big deal if I miss. Which of course already conflicts with my best friend from homes 30th birthday, ugh. My anxiety and fear over all those activities is pretty much at an all-time high right now.

I’m loving MyFitnessPal app. I used it once a few years back and thought it wasn’t that great but lately I’ve been using it to get a better idea of what I’m eating and how to keep my portions under control while working out. The app has every food imaginable and it’s been awesome in making me realize where my eating goes overboard. Hello stress eating!

I’m feeling disappointed in myself in regards to my half-ironman training. For some reason I thought I would be flooded with motivation and yet I have fleeting moments, but it’s not sticking. I don’t know if I’m letting everything else get in the way, or if my heart just isn’t in it yet, but I’ve missed workouts and I haven’t given my all, at all. I have time, just over 5 months to be exact but it’s really important that I build my base back up.

I will admit that I need to get my workouts in in the morning. It’s the only time now that is a sure thing, with 600 plans/errands/responsibilities/work that comes up post 6pm. So starting next week I might have to force myself to rethink my schedule and get my butt up. Once my workout is done in the morning I always feel so much happier too.

I’ll also admit that I haven’t written much because every time I do write, all of the above comes flooding out and I sound so negative and so not me. That’s not who I want to be or how I want to feel in 2014.

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