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Posts Tagged ‘bfn’

It’s been so long since I have been able to write.

I had the most amazing, most relaxing, most wonderful week in paradise with all the girls on my Mom’s side.

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I came home content, content with life, not having any crazy fitness goals right now, just focusing on having great days and enjoying every day.

Right before my trip my Husband and I made a decision. For some time now, I’d say since December or so we’ve talked seriously about wanting a family. But we kept thinking ok now isn’t the perfect time because so and so is getting married, or this or that is happening, or we have to do that. But right before going to STT we both realized, it’s the perfect time for us. For us emotionally, financially, and job-wise. Sure we may have to alter some social plans but we both are ready and we both want to take this step.

So I got so excited, went out and got an ovulation kit to start to understand my body a little more and we thought, let’s get trying. Quickly I realized though, my ovulation time was while in STT (almost comical, I would be fertile at earliest the Saturday there and at latest the end of the week there). So we didn’t think anything of it really, and decided to try the month later and just have fun until then.

Well I came home and sadly he got called into work for that full Saturday I got home. I actually had a great day though – I relaxed the full day and caught up on shows and played with Bentley who I had missed so, so, so much. On Sunday I decided, hell I’ll take an LH test (I got the cheapo ones from CVS) and I got a positive. So we had a fun afternoon in bed, pretty relaxed and then headed to dinner with his family for Mother’s day.

See I trusted the test strips more than my gut. My gut knew, with only a week until my period it was highly unlikely I was ovulating or about to. Also without going into TMI, I get some clues when I ovulate, and I got those clues while in STT. But then I got caught up in it and then began the “TWW” or two-week-wait.

Long story short, three negative pregnancy tests later (umm hello it would have been too early anyway), hopes for morning sickness and amidst house-hunting and fantasizing about our family and what not yesterday I got my period. It wasn’t until I was sobbing in the car on the way home that I realized how much hope I had this month. PMS hormones and caffeine withdrawal (I had dropped from my venti blonde roast x3 a day to just 8 ounces to be safe) probably didn’t help my mental state. I was a complete and utter mess. At least the Husband was far more sympathetic than I expected (I think he was actually sad too) and was helpful in keeping a positive mindset around it all.

Today I feel a bit better. It’s a fresh month. I can spend this month eating healthy, working out, taking pre-natals, and overall really starting to prep my body. When my period ends, we’ll just have to have more fun trying this month (i.e. every other day through the month, ha!) The truth is, we’re young, healthy, I’ve been off birth control for over a year now, I have regular periods, and we’re just starting to try so it’s fun and exciting in so many ways. I mean this is it, after years and years of “don’t get pregnant don’t get pregnant” we are officially trying.

It’s so easy to get excited about the end goal, but this time, I really want to enjoy the process. Every second of it.

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