Posts Tagged ‘conflict’

People with ISFJ preferences are dependable and considerate, committed to the people and groups with which they are associated, and faithful in carrying out responsibilities. They work with steady energy to complete jobs fully and on time. They will go to great trouble to do something they see as necessary but dislike being required to do anything that doesn’t make sense to them.

ISFJs focus on what people need and want, and they establish orderly procedures to meet people’s needs. They take roles and responsibilities seriously and want others to do the same.

ISFJs have a realistic, practical respect for facts. They use their Sensing primarily internally, where they have a wealth of stored information. They remember clearly the details of things that have personal meaning for them, such as tones of voice and facial expressions. ISFJs are likely to be practical, realistic, concrete, and specific. They use Feeling to make decisions based on personal values and concern for others. They value and work to create harmony and cooperation. Thus, they are likely to be cooperative, thoughtful of others, kind, and sensitive. Their opinions are firm because their decisions are based on their clear values and their wealth of stored data. ISFJs respect established procedures and authority, believing that these have persisted because they function well. Therefore, they will support change only when new data show it will be of practical benefit to people.

ISFJs are unassuming and quiet in their interactions, often putting the needs of others—especially family members—ahead of their own. They are uncomfortable with confrontation and will go a long way to accommodate others, though their respect for traditions and people’s feelings can lead them to challenge others. People see their values, their desire for structure and closure, their kindness. What others may not see is their wealth of rich, accurate internal Sensing impressions and memories. Others usually see ISFJs as quiet, serious, conscientious, and considerate, and as good caretakers and persons who honor commitments and preserve traditions.

I don’t like to go too much into detail on my job. However, in recent weeks I have been really struggling at work, solely based on my interactions with my new manager. For the first time in my 7 years at this firm, I have felt unsupported, I don’t have trust in my boss, and I was getting the underlying feeling that I’m not meeting [management’s] expectations.

I’ve stewed. I’ve tried to ignore it and focus elsewhere. I’ve talked in circles and non-specifics to get a feel if I was accurate in feeling this way. I’ve vented and gotten swept up alongside others who are far more angry and negative in my department than I am or ever want to be. I’ve let myself get irritated and annoyed by every minor interaction with this person as a result.

And so after a sleepless night last night, tossing and turning over this underlying anxiety and feeling of not being true to myself or my work ethic, today I took charge.

I set up a meeting to have a very honest conversation, as uncomfortable as it made me, to talk about this conflict head on. I did my best outline it from a standpoint that I care a lot about my daily work – and my career – and while I hoped it was my own misinterpretation and not an accurate reflection of my work – I have gotten the feeling while exceeding the expectations of those I work with daily, I may not be meeting management’s expectations fully.

I was sweating, and actually broke out in rash before going in.

It’s funny, I have and always can take conflict head-on in my romantic relationships, but it’s been a growing process – an ability to move past my discomfort – that has slowly changed my avoidance of conflict with friends and with work. At some point, I really hope I can do the same with my family.

The truth is, the things that are worth saving are worth pushing past the conflict and letting go of pride, the desire to “win”, being right, and not wanting to deal with the discomfort.

And every time I do, I realize, it’s worth it. Open and effective communication is the key to success in all relationships.

Really just taking that step to un-bottle everything (in a professional manner) was therapeutic in itself. To let the f go of that negative anxious energy.

For another it hashed out exactly what I needed to hear – and what I had been misinterpreting all along. When it came down to it, I myself am judging my own work (harshly) and management thinks I am meeting and if anything exceeding expectations. If there was any need to hear that more clearly, I did. The lines for communication now feel more open, and we have begun to build trust into our relationship as manager and employee.

It also made me accept that I can only adapt and manage up so much – at some point I have to accept that I may not get exactly what I want out of this relationship, but try to focus on what at a minimal I need to do to stay successful and happy here. Those are the battles worth fighting.

Anyway, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I feel re-energized. And while it was damn uncomfortable at the time, I am so, so very glad I didn’t just sweep it under the rug.

Here’s to taking on discomfort and conflict head-on.

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