I had a really great weekend. There are so many parts of the weekend that replay in the back of my mind and make me happy again today. I want to recap it later because it entailed hiking in Pawtuckaway State Park (NH), eating lunch in Portsmouth (NH), surprising my best friend with a giant going away party, watching my first triathlon and renting bikes in NH and riding down the Nashua River Rail Trail.
And yet, maybe because I’m coming off of such a great weekend well week and weekend, today I feel a little eh.
There’s an irritableness to my mood I think…
Recently I have found some activities that I enjoy doing so much. And honestly I love doing some of these activities with the girls. Saturday day with my friend J was about as perfect as it could get. Beautiful weather, nice hike, and lots of quality time and chatting.
Maybe it was the experience yesterday with my other friend, S, that made me realize I miss B for more than just missing him as a person, I miss the things we did together.
I really miss having a boyfriend who is open and excited to do lots of activities with me. I want to go swim before work some mornings at the nearby lakes, I want to take weekend hikes, I want to rent bikes and do more than 10 miles on a trail. I want to plan a big weekend or longer trip somewhere far away and exciting. And while my friends are up to do that sometimes, it’s not nearly as often as I’d like and honestly it’s only a few who are up for it. We’re all crazy busy so when we do schedule time it’s amazing but I have more available time now.
While it’s great and all to say now I know something else I want in a partner – someone who enjoys these activities and is up to do them with me weekly – I want that now. I miss taking spontaneous day road trips, I miss having the bf who so willingly wants to take me shooting, rock climbing, or be open to my activities. I miss having someone who knows ALL of me. Not bits and pieces but 100% all of me.
I hate that all my new interests are reminding me of B. And reminding me of not having B or an awesome boyfriend in general. I hate that the stupid lump in my throat is back today. 😦