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Posts Tagged ‘integrity’

I’m embarrassed to say that shortly after yesterday’s blog post I found myself crying in the Whole Foods parking lot. Silly and dramatic, yes, but also, some very real anxieties that I’m feeling.

After talking (word rambling) to a few friends, and reading Becelisa’s comment, I think it has finally set in. I need to stop getting so worked up about the future, and things that are out of my control. I also need to start saying no, and stop feeling guilty about it.

I was spiraling yesterday as I was getting texts and emails about weekend bachelorettes (and showers) all with at least $300 in travel costs alone coming in one after another. Then texts about this coming weekend and plans from Friday through Sunday non-stop. Then the garbage disposal broke and I went into full-blown monster mode.

I took a step back, thought carefully about all of it, what I could feasibly do, what I wanted to do, and where it made sense to say no. And so…

I said NO to the bachelorette weekend in Newport of a girl that I hardly spend time with. But I said yes to her shower.

I said NO to the bachelorette weekend in Nashville, that’s over July 4th weekend, and would end up at almost $1,000 overall. But I said yes to her shower and mini-bachelorette that I will still be flying out to Buffalo for.

I said yes to a friend’s baby shower that is only a 45 minute drive. And let’s be honest, I love baby showers and I want to go!

I said yes to a friend who’s wedding shower and bachelorette will be in one weekend in August (woohoo!). I would have travelled for this friend anyway, as she was wonderful during my wedding process but there’s a slight relief there.

We said yes to a wedding in July. We said yes to a wedding in August. We said yes to a wedding in September with house rental, travel, and present that one will tally to $950 or more, and we said yes to a wedding in November (with travel, hotel and present that one will tally to $700 or more). But let’s hope that’s it for weddings in 2014.

I said NO to hanging out with friends tonight. This one was probably the hardest but I will be spending Saturday 12noon through Sunday 2pm with them. Today, I need to work, I need to get my workout in, I want to spend time with Bentley before we board him (for the first time) tomorrow through Sunday and most of all, I want to get a good night’s sleep to kick this damn cough. I just don’t have it in me to drive 30 minutes from home for a late night when I’ll be up at 7am tomorrow, and seeing everyone the entire rest of the weekend.

And when my mind starts drifting to fears about my work schedule (that will extend from just my Tuesday 8-10pm calls to weekends too this summer) and all of these plans and how we will pay for them if we want to buy a house and have a baby I remind myself… ONE DAY AT A TIME. We will cross that bridge when and if we get there.

And I’m going to start planning and holding myself accountable for my training schedule. Every time I get myself back into the gym and complete a workout as scheduled, I feel like a million bucks. I already took someone on up their offer to hold myself accountable. 😉

I chose this word for a reason. Time to start focusing on it.

Day

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My time abroad in Tasmania wasn’t like most of the other term abroad at my college. We weren’t expected to take classes but instead either do research or write the remainder of our thesis.

Most people thought that meant a free ride, but I swear, trying to finalize research and write your thesis in a foreign country is actually pretty difficult. Especially when you’re over 75 pages in and your computer crashes and they can’t fix it. (Yes I was that idiot who didn’t back stuff up…you’d think I’d learn by now.) Okay, and especially when your host parents let you take their car to drive up the coast and go on a kayaking adventure.

Anyway, we had three professors go with us. One professor I briefly mentioned before here, wasn’t through our school but was from Alaska and was doing his own research that intertwined with the two professors coming from our school.

Now our two professors were nutty. (To be honest, it seems most Anthropology professors I encounter are.) Anyway, they were married to each other, had a son who actually went to our school, and were the ones who always ran the term abroad to Tasmania. While there were a few other options for Anthro term abroad I knew I wanted to go on this one. This one only allowed for 10 students (usually 5 girls, 5 boys) and it involved a few weeks of camping together around the coast of Tasmania before dropping us in various home stays and trying to force culture shock (they didn’t tell us where anyone else was staying). But we became really close with these two professors as we navigated camping without running water, culture shock, and various blunders in a new country.

Hands down, it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and one day I really want to take the time to write-up more on it.

The other night though when talking to my Mom I found out some really disappointing information about these two professors. Even though I remained in contact with them for the first few years after college in the last year or so I’ve lost contact.

First I hear they are no longer running the term abroad. Then I hear they are no longer affiliated with my college.

And the real kicker? Turns out the male professor was having affairs in the various places they were doing research. Not only that but unbeknownst to her he has CHILDREN with other women in these places.

WHAT?!!!

I remember being in the male professor’s car with two other students in Tasmania and we got into a whole conversation about how we didn’t understand cheating in marriages. I wish now I could remember more clearly his reaction or his comments.

I just didn’t expect this.

On the outside it looked like he respected her, was awestruck by her, and maybe even a little dependent on her. She was a bit more independent but you could tell she enjoyed being with him and they had their own groove.

It’s a shock. It’s disappointing. It’s an instance where I just think, them? Really?

I feel almost betrayed by them. It’s a strange feeling. I don’t know if it’s because after spending so much time with them and connecting through anthropology that I trusted and respected them. But it’s upsetting.

I’m tired of hearing about cheating. I’m tired of hearing about crappy marriages in the news, media, and through the gossip train.

I’d like to hear more positives about marriage. I want the media to celebrate strong, successful marriages full of integrity.

I’m not sitting here thinking marriages are easy or perfect. It just seems like recently cheating and crazy scandals within marriages are glorified and I’m sick of it.

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