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One of my co-workers (who is like a brother to me) messaged me the following today as we bantered back and forth over chat:

“But let’s face it, you can pretty much walk into any room and choose the guy you want. So for you, you just need to find someone you are attracted to. (Having said that, I know that’s a lot easier said than done.)”

As much as that doesn’t change whether I have someone or not, it was an incredibly sweet and reassuring thing to hear.

For some reason that led me to start thinking about what it will be like when I meet someone, and get married, and one day have a family. And then I realized what I was thinking.

I thought about a family. I pictured having kids.

For the past few years I have been pretty stern about not wanting kids. I would say to people who would scoff that maybe I’d change my mind but deep down I didn’t think I’d want kids.

But it’s not that I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want kids with B. Because I knew how he felt about marriage and kids. How he thought things only went downhill after marriage, and even more so if you have kids. So in my mind, if I pictured a future with B we couldn’t have kids, because it would cause an overwhelming feeling of impending failure.

Well guess what? I want kids. I want kids! (For the record I want kids someday, not today.)

Who knows what the future holds but it’s incredible to start realizing more and more what I want out of life.

And yes, my post title is yet another gem of a message from someone on Match. 🙂

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