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Posts Tagged ‘pregnant’

13 weeks

Umm hello second tri! I thought time would go by so slowly, but at the same time, it’s going by rather quickly. When I say I  only have 26 weeks and 5 days left it sounds so crazy! I really wanted to write a lot more, but over the past 5 weeks we have moved, I’ve gone to one wedding, three bridal showers, two bachelorettes, an engagement party,  celebrated the birthday of my best friend from home by driving to Connecticut to meet her for a day, multiple social dinners, and crazy work projects – including at least one night a week still of 3 hours of Tokyo calls. So when I feel guilty about not unpacking, exercising or getting things done – I remember that life has been crazy.   

Weight gained:
+1lb. Overall at 13 weeks and 3 days I have gained a total of about 5lbs. Apparently now I should also be gaining about .5-1lb weekly (via nutritious foods).

Workouts:
Ha. I keep saying how much I’d love to swim and get some exercise in but…it hasn’t happened.

Symptoms:
Extreme fatigue. In the past few weeks it went from feeling less energized to holy crap, a wave of exhaustion hits and I.cannot.function. I leave the house by 7:30 and work until 5pmish, take the train out to pick up Bentley from daycare, then get home around 6:30pm and sometimes it takes everything in me to eat dinner before I crawl onto the floor and just lay there.

Pregnancy brain… or the baby is actually eating my brain. I mean I was legit convinced one day we had a time change and I needed to add an hour onto my google maps direction time. Yeah, not accurate.

The nausea has definitely started to subside  – hallelujah!

One new symptom over the past weekend was an awful headache that lasted a solid 2 days. I’d really like to not have one of those again.

Oh and I’m still an emotional sap, even worse than before. Tears are expected at least once a week.

Food Aversions:
Woohoo my appetite is coming back, sort of! I still don’t like to think about making food, and actually thinking too much about food in general sort of turns me off. The idea of eggs – especially runny eggs, burgers, meat not cooked enough – like rare steak, heavy/creamy/rich foods makes me feel a bit ill.

Food Cravings:
Fresh fruit (especially cut up in cereal with cold milk), cottage cheese, chocolate milk, grilled corn (had with dinner last night and omg, I want a hundred more ears)

Sleep:
Sleep hasn’t been great the past few days especially, but because of festivities and painting, I haven’t slept at home too much and honestly, just need a good night’s sleep in my own comfy bed.

Miss Anything?
A lot of things I can’t have…spicy tuna roll, Brie, caffeine (i.e. not worrying about drinking an iced tea, coffee, etc.)

Fun and/or Interesting Things from the Week:
This morning I went in for another check-in with my midwife and I got to hear Baby’s heart beat again (now at about 150bpm) and it’s so unbelievably amazing to hear that heart racing. I couldn’t help but cry again.

Happy or moody most of the time:
I’m starting to feel more like myself! Happy and excited! However, after 8pm or while driving – just stay away, far, far away.

New Baby Items:
Nursery décor! The room itself is painted a gray color and I ordered white birch tree decals from Etsy to go up on one wall, chevron gray and white curtains, and just bought a few cute gray and white elephant baskets. My Mom also bought me the softest, cutest gray elephant with a pink ribbon (came with and she said we can always replace but hmm, foreshadowing?)

My friend from college also bought me a baby book journal and I really want to start documenting in there!

Looking Forward To:
Finding the gender! Ok really now, I just want to know. I am at a point where I don’t care but I want to plan and start calling the baby he or she and connecting with the baby more. We are finding out now on September 23rd and the wait is killing me. It’s kind of entertaining how split people are on what we are having and how sure some people are! My sisters are dead set that it’s a boy, my Mom goes back and forth, Husband says boy, a few friends say boy yet a few say girl, and I just don’t know. I really thought boy – mainly because while I have been nauseous I never got super sick, but deep down I could see imagine that it may be a girl. My psychic Aunt says “maybe a girl, but you will have one of both either way” – so yeaaaah, whatever that means. I’m looking forward to sharing the news in a fun way  (not sure how yet)…

I’m also looking forward to getting more of a bump! I just started to pop a little bit, and my clothes are fitting funny (between the chest and tight tummy area) so it really is time to start putting away some of my tighter wardrobe pieces.  I feel like people aren’t sure yet if they can say anything, or some wouldn’t quite notice – so I am oddly excited to really show!

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My biggest fear was that time would pass so slowly during the first trimester. While the days can sometimes feel long, the weeks are flying by. I don’t know if it’s the combination of just being so busy – between buying the house, work and so many social activities – or if this is just normal.

On Monday at just over 9 weeks we had our second ultrasound and it was probably the most incredible thing I have ever seen. Actually hearing that fast little heart beat – nothing compares. It’s the most amazing and magical thing. I still can’t believe it’s all real, and I’m just feeling so weepy and blessed since. I mean WE’RE HAVING A BABY!

Anyway…

Weight gained:
-1lb since last weigh-in, so about 3-4lbs overall. Pretty sure it’s still constipation unfortunately. In the morning my pants fit, by evening they are too tight, then back to fitting – all depending on the time of day!

Workouts:
Lots of walking around, packing and cleaning. I’m counting it because seriously, by evening time I’m usually taking a nap I’m so drained.

Symptoms:
“Morning sickness” for me is really night sickness. It seems that like clockwork around 4:00pm each day I start to feel extra queasy, tired, and SO irritable. It’s almost comical how I go from feeling sort of OK to a crazy person. I’m trying to just take it easy in the evenings as much as I can, and I’m thankful I’m at least productive at work but I’m looking forward to getting past this one.

I hope this isn’t a new symptom but lately, I fall dead asleep around 10pmish then BAM around 1-3am I wake up…and I can’t fall back asleep. I spent 3 hours awake the last few nights watching crappy tv and trying to get tired and it was so frustrating.

Oh and I’m weepy as hell. Pretty much any commercial, conversation, or song about love, babies, animals – you can expect tears. And not like a few tears, I’m talking choking sobs.

Food Aversions:
Up until yesterday I was not loving food. It was really frustrating because if I don’t eat I get nauseous but most things sounded yucky and if I cook it, I will not eat it. I don’t want meat, eggs, really anything…

I also haven’t even had decaf coffee, I think I want it then I grab some and I can’t drink it.

As of this morning, (please don’t jinx myself) I am sort of feeling more like myself. Energized, not overly queasy, and happy. I ate a bowl of raisin bran with banana happily, and I’m just crossing my fingers the nausea peaked and it’s on its way out.

Food Cravings:
Finally I’m having a few very intense cravings:
Peaches and plums. I had a peach yesterday and it was the best thing I have had in a while and I plan on going back and buying a dozen more.
Burger King Chicken Sandwiches. I wish this wasn’t true, but for a few days it was the ONLY thing I wanted. I finally caved and had one and omg, it was unbelievable. It’s taking all my willpower not to get another.
Chocolate milk. Finally had some yesterday and it was amazing and the easiest way for me to get my daily milk in when I’m not feeling cereal.
Tuna sandwiches with plain potato chips. My doctor said it’s OK to do one can or packet a week (max) so I plan on having one today.

Sleep:
Naps, insomnia, fatigue – it goes in circles.

Miss Anything?
Same as always – turkey sandwich and coffee (or the act of drinking coffee if that makes sense).

Fun and/or Interesting Things from the Week:
We announced! After our last ultrasound the doctor confirmed that our risk of miscarriage is as low as it’s going to get and nothing magically changes or reduces that risk between now and second tri so to go ahead and announce. Ahhh, it was SO MUCH FUN to finally tell everyone and hear reactions and just be open about it. Now I can be honest about how I’m feeling and all these things going on in my head!

Happy or moody most of the time:
If I’m being honest, I’m mostly sort of moody, especially at night. I know it’s hormones and fatigue, so I’m just trying to give myself a break and stay positive. Today I feel really positive, excited and happy!

New Baby Items:
Books! What to expect when you’re expecting, and What to expect in the first year.

Looking Forward To:
Finding out the gender. While we will be so happy with either (we truly just want a healthy baby) I can’t stop trying to guess. Right now, Husband thinks it’s a boy (I think he secretly prefers a boy, or really, he’s just terrified of having a girl and having to deal with boyfriends, haha) and my older sister thinks it’s a boy. My best friend from home thinks it’s a girl. I really don’t know. Part of me thinks it’s a boy (because of my dream, and the lack of other symptoms) but then deep down I’m wondering if it’s a girl (since I come from a family of a lot of girls). We will actually find out on the Husband’s 30th birthday, September 26th.

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Lean-in or get pregnant

Of all things I would without a doubt say my best quality is my work ethic. Through years of skipping school, procrastinating, avoiding certain things in relationships – work is the one thing I have always put 110% in.

So what happens when I’m new to this career path and we decide to get pregnant.

Let’s start with yesterday…

Yesterday at 4pm my (newish) manager walked in and handed me an envelope. It was a $50 gift card and a really thoughtful card praising my efforts and reiterating how excited the team is to see my growth in this role. It was completely unexpected and actually almost made me feel emotional.

Then last night one of the husband’s closest friends let him know that he and his wife are expecting in April. I am beyond thrilled for them because they have been trying for over a year, had some issues and some serious disappointments. He called to let me in on the news and ended the call with, “yay, we’re next, get some pre-natal vitamins”. (Yes, he actually said “yay”.)

So…

Do I focus on my career? Spend the next year or maybe more working hard, getting more experience and taking my exam?

Or do we decide on trying to start a family early next year? I’d like to wait until January to try – with everything we have going on the rest of the year and selfishly because having a baby towards the end of the year would mean I could still take 4 weeks 2014 vacation, use 8 weeks medical leave, and then use my 2015 4 weeks – for about 13 weeks off total. But if we do that, am I losing my credibility at work? Have I made enough of an impact that to leave and come back, I would still have my place? Would they start replacing me as soon as they heard I was pregnant?

Deep down, I know what’s more important to me. A family.

BUT

Deep down I also know that the one amazing thing that I think defines myself, and my identity, is my work and my career. I’m the bread-winner. I have worked hard to get to where I am in this cutthroat corporate environment. I’ve succeeded while I’ve watched countless people get fired. So if that gets taken away, I’m really scared. I’m scared that I will lose myself, and lose the one part of me I am confident in, that no one has ever taken away.

And of course, there’s the part of me that says, I can do it all! I can take on all new projects, study hours each night for an exam, all the while be pregnant, buy a house, and prepare as we go. Probably not the most realistic option. And yet, probably the option I’ll keep pretending will work…

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