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Posts Tagged ‘routine’

I’m struggling a bit with my balance recently. My month’s goal was to focus on balance and while I’m not failing at it, I’m definitely still working it out.

Last weekend I spent a fantastic weekend in Rhode Island with my family. So fantastic that I was convinced to stay through until Monday morning when I had to pop out of bed by 5:30 to get back to Boston for work.

Monday night was a late night of boxing followed by an even earlier morning of kettlebells. Tuesday night was an awesome night with the Townie, but one that included meat lover’s pizza and kissing on my couch until almost 1am.

Two nights in a row of less than 6 hours of sleep made me exhausted all day on Wednesday. I did some quick errands on Wednesday night before trying to get into bed early. (For some reason once again I tossed and turned getting only 6 hours of sleep.)

My day at work yesterday was absolutely insane, I even squeezed in a catch-up yogurt date with one of my friends mid-day, and then I ran out to meet my friend J to catch-up and have dinner. A full personal pan pizza for me later I was feeling bloated and exhausted as we left each other around 9pm.

I am pretty sure I was passed out before 11pm last night.

Another early morning today so I could come into work today before 8am so that I could leave for a 3:30 doctor’s appointment and then go straight home to change before the game.

And my head starts to swirl when I think about the weekend…

  • Will the Townie be staying the night?
  • I have boxing at 10:30a tomorrow
  • I need to: inflate my tires, test attach my bike to my car, lay out all of my gear/food and plan out my leave time for my duathlon on Sunday morning
  • Attend my friend’s birthday dinner and then be a good sport for a little bit at the bar (no drinking, but maybe a little dancing)
  • Get into bed at a “decent” time since I’ll need to be up at 5:00am on Sunday
  • Participate in my first season opener duathlon on Sunday

As much as I love what’s going on in my life right now, I have to figure out a way to balance it a bit more. I’m feeling pretty chaotic, not prepared for my duathlon, a little out of control because of my new feelings for the Townie (ok I can’t help that one 😉 ) and just not the healthiest version of myself.

My first instinct is to stop hanging out so much with the Townie and friends, and just get my stuff together. But that’s not the answer, I will always have this busy (if not busier) schedule to deal with. So somehow I just need to make sure not to throw healthy eating, exercise, and sleep to the wayside with my busy changing schedule.

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Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance. – Brian Tracy

One of my biggest goals this April is to find balance. There are clearly worse things than a packed schedule muddying up your daily and weekly routine. In fact, I am known to love burning the candle at both ends.

BUT, there always seems to be a fine line where it goes from burning the candle at both ends to burnt out. When I’m bordering on burnt out I become a bit anxious and feel like I don’t have any “me” time.

I’m not complaining because I absolutely love seeing my friends and family. But the drives to New York, the friends coming to visit for days, the activities every single night after work, dating, it’s all  becoming a little chaotic.

I think I need to figure out a way to balance my social life, my work life, my fitness life, while still getting sufficient “me” time. But without giving up too much 🙂

Anyway since it’s all about balance…

Fitness:

  • Boxing – 1-2x a week
  • Kettlebell class – 1x a week
  • Personal Training – 2x a week
  • Running – 2x a week
  • Spinning – 1-2x a week
  • Participate in my first Duathlon (eek!)

Food:

  • Keep weekly grocery bill under $40 a week
  • Bring lunches to work daily
  • Eat a serving of vegetables at both lunch and dinner

Mental Health:

  • See the family for one weekend
  • Host a girl’s night dinner at my place
  • See the Townie at least one more time
  • Give myself one night “off” a week
  • Try one thing I’m uncomfortable with (a group run, a dance class, something)

I feel like I am missing a goal and I want something exciting. Maybe I can get some inspiration from your goals 🙂

 

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I had my reading yesterday. Some of the things he said hit the nail on the head, some were eh. All in all it was a fun and different thing to do with a friend on a week night.

What the cards said about Love:

  • I’m past the pain of my last relationship even though it was a rip your heart out breakup. (True.)
  • I’m the one holding myself back from dating and committment. I need to actually put my own foot out the door. (True.)
  • I feel like I need to get more grounded before becoming committed again. (True.)
  • I should start realizing that I don’t have to do anything I am uncomfortable with and that by going on a date it doesn’t mean I have to marry the guy. (Ha, such a true fear.)

He doesn’t necessarily see me entering into another serious relationship for another year. Lots of little dates which will be important, one of whom may turn into a good friend, but the serious guy won’t start until next year.

I will be married, with kids and happy one day. It won’t be with B.

What the cards said about CAREER:
He sees I’m an asset in my current company and I won’t be leaving it but my role may change, especially when it comes to being creative (yay).

That was clearly the vague overview of what he said but for the most part he or the cards sounded about right. I don’t know what is holding me back – for a long time I blamed it on getting over B but recently that’s just no longer an excuse.

Part of its fear, part of it is this lack of control feeling when it comes to dating. It’s easier and more comfortable to just cancel on dates or not put the effort in.

It also causes me such anxiety to feel smothered quickly when it comes to dating or love, like with DC boy, or really any guy I’ve gone out with.

Part of me also just feels this chaos in my life right now. Like I need to get my own shit together before being committed again even though I miss having a guy in my life. I want to get ahold of my workout routine, I want to focus a little more on my career and figure out what I’m meant to do, I want to spend a lot of time with my current friends and develop some new friends who might have similar interests in me. I want to dedicate time to training for my upcoming tri’s or planning my sister’s wedding or figuring out my faith and what I believe in and how I want to practice it.

The truth is I could probably do all of that with someone by my side, but it would mean compromising. Maybe I’m not ready to compromise yet. Because when I was with B as much as he wanted me to “do me” I held myself back. Maybe I need to spend some time learning how to be a stronger healthier version of me so when it comes time to being committed again I can compromise without giving up too much of myself in the process.

I want to put aside the friends and family who keep asking why I’m not in a relationship, and how I could possibly be single. I want to put aside the wedding and baby fever that’s going on all around me and realize things will happen at the right time for me, even if it’s not the same time as my friends or sisters or cousins.

I’m going to keep putting my foot out the front door and dating, but for the most part I’m going to start focusing on settling this chaos feeling I’m having.

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I tried to re-motivate myself yesterday with the start of a week and the 5 hour minimum of exercise per week challenge.

But I don’t know what’s going on with me.

I know I’ll feel better if I work out. I know once I start working out it’s a piece of cake from there. And yet so far yesterday and today I bailed again on my workouts.

I could blame it on the frigid rainy/snowy weather. Or on the ridiculous amounts of tv shows I wanted to catch up on on my dvr. I could say I was taking time off to try to regain momentum to work out, momentum that never came. Or I could be honest and say for some reason I’ve just become lazy and unmotivated.

  • I’ve tried the tough love – you just have to do it and stop complaining.
  • I’ve tried the I signed up for a duathlon in a few weeks and seriously I’m going to die if I don’t start training attempt.
  • I’ve tried the sign up for a class (kettlebells) so I am forced to do strength training once a week (skipped out on my 5:45am morning class).

I’ve never felt so unmotivated before. It’s been a full week without exercising and truthfully I feel pretty down in the dumps. 😦

Here’s what I am going to try over the next week or two:

  1. Find a buddy. Someone to go to a yoga class with, or spinning, or even just to meet at the gym, but for me a buddy has always been great motivation
  2. Go for a swim. For some reason even though swimming isn’t on my “training” plan for my upcoming duathlon or warrior race I have the strangest craving to jump in a pool and just swim laps by myself.
  3. Try my hardest to get workouts in in the morning or during lunch at work. I have a social obligation each night the rest of this week and weekend so I know I won’t be working out after work.

Any advice? I’ll try anything at this point. I just want my exercise enthusiasm back.

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Yesterday afternoon I was listening to all of my girlfriends chat about what’s going on in their love lives. J and her Husband. S and her boyfriend. V and A with their new hookups. From husband to fun they each had someone.

And it really hit me.

For the past year, I have been in the breakup phase. It’s been OK to mourn, and go back and forth, and be mad then sad then reflect on it all. But now it’s been over a year.  I can’t use him as an excuse anymore.

I’m tired of thinking to myself that I want someone again and yet I can’t picture it.

Of course I can’t picture it – I’m not trying. I’m avoiding.

And I’m tired of looking at, feeling, and even talking about this almost 10lb weight gain.

I’m tired of being bored at work, pushing tasks aside to just wait until tomorrow, letting my stress build and build.

I’m tired of looking at some of the disorganized areas of my apartment thinking, I can’t bring anyone here it’s so messy.

I’m tired of looking at my life in a depressed state.

I keep saying, “one day”. One day I’ll feel fit and toned. One day I’ll have an important guy in my life again. One day my apartment will be clean and organized. One day I’ll cook meals every week instead of spending money buying them out.

Enough.

One day needs to become today. I’m wasting so much time in limbo. I’m feeling depressed and bored because of it.

Today I stayed home from work. I tossed and turned last night and woke up with such a headache.

And now I need to move forward. I need to make what I want to be my priorities, actually my priorities.

It’s time to workout hard, even when I would rather eat in front of the tv.
It’s time to do my laundry, go to the dry cleaners, and get rid of extra shit in my apartment.
It’s time to date, open-mindedly.
It’s time to appreciate friends and family.
It’s time to be productive at work.
It’s time to let myself find and enjoy hobbies.
It’s time to pull myself out of this long funk and live.

Not one day, today.

 

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Today was a good day. I do however wish it would keep going! I’m not quite ready to work again.

Anyway, I did all of my dishes this morning. Never underestimate how much better you’ll feel after doing all of your dishes and having a clean kitchen.

Midday I walked downtown and got myself a manicure. It was actually the first time I ever went and got a manicure by myself. To be honest I felt a little strange doing so until I walked in and realized 3 other girls were doing exactly the same thing. I ended up chatting with one for a while which was really nice. I also got my first “gel shellac” manicure with my favorite color, Lincoln Park After Dark. It doesn’t look different now but I’m told it won’t chip for 3 weeks which would be fabulous considering after 3 days the dark colors usually chip.

Early afternoon I finished the book I started Saturday night, The Kitchen House. It reminded me of The Help (which I absolutely loved). Addicting, painful, uncomfortable and outright frustratingly helpless, it was quite the emotional read.

This evening I had a chance to catch up with my friend A who was having a hard time and just a crappy past few days. We met at the gym for a 30 minute treadmill backwards walk and some tossing of medicine balls while she vented. I think it was exactly what she needed and hopefully just giving her a chance to let it out and have someone listen (while getting some exercise) helped. And we made sure to plan time together later this week too.

And then I signed up for another 12 sessions of boxing personal training sessions with my old trainer. 😉

I also really dedicated some time to look into my finances. I have a monthly budget and two new savings accounts (Emergency and a Dog/House fund) that will automatically pull a percentage of my check each month.

I did just notice the 146 emails and 36 winks on Match. I’ll deal with that tomorrow…

And now I’m off to write in my gratitude journal. I will be carrying this positive attitude into tomorrow. 🙂

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Ok, it may be a result of being pretty cooped up this weekend but I am antsy for a change or something to focus on.

I can’t put my finger on what it is…a fitness goal? A career change? A pet? I don’t know!

I just know that I’m really in need of *something* because right now I feel bored and unfulfilled.

Sadly I can’t get a pet. I’m dying to get a dog but my studio apartment does not allow it. And in order to save up a good amount of money I’m going to be in this apartment for another year to 16 months and then I can get a nice 1 bedroom and a dog.

Then there’s running (road races) or tri training. But it’s just not the same during the New England winter.

I’m looking at every angle right now. Trying to find a book club, a cooking class, a new fitness class, a career class…something! 

I’m not used to feeling so restless, so purposeless?

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