Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘starting over’

Have you ever dated or been in a relationship with a guy that you knew you shouldn’t be with? But you were addicted and for whatever reason you just kept letting the crappy behavior slide and you’d still hang out with him?

Or have you ever watched that happen with a friend? You mention multiple times to your friend that the fact that this person cancels on them 90% of the time and usually only calls them after 11pm on weekend nights is less than what your friend deserves?

I find that no matter what you say, usually it has to run its course. In the friend instance it’s painful to watch, and you talk it through over and over but somehow it keeps happening.

But then at some point (sometimes months too long) it clicks for that person. They deserve better. They aren’t happy. They have been pretending the whole “see you when I see you thing” works. But it takes that person getting to that point to be able to change it. You can’t push them there.

This post is not about crappy guys and dating. Although I have (and am) watching quite a few friends go through that exact scenario. And I want to shout over and over, YOU DESERVE BETTER, but they have to want better.

Anyway, this post is actually about fitness and health.

For the past few months I have wanted to get back into the groove. I’ve signed up for race after race and added many Google calendar appointments to work out.

But I haven’t. Aside from one 5 mile race and one triathlon I’ve fallen through on the rest. I watched as the scale crept up and I posted about my frustration, sadness and disappointment with my weight gain and outlook on health. I kept saying I was going to change, I came up with strict goals and signed up for more races.

But it didn’t change. If anything it got worse. 2 slices of cheesecake and 1 slice of blackout cake (in one night) from Cheesecake Factory finally set me off.

Maybe it’s my all or nothing personality.

Maybe I just needed a break.

But yesterday it clicked. Finally. That moment of knowing that I’ll make the effort because I really, truly, deep-down want to make the effort.

I met with my trainer yesterday who did initial measurements. My weight, my BMI, and other assorted fitness tests. He wants me to lose 4% of my body fat (which is about 8lbs). I agree. It’s not a crazy goal, in fact it puts me at a comfortable weight – one that I know I could maintain in a healthy, easy way.

I needed that slap in my face of seeing my weight written down by my trainer.
And now I need someone I am held responsible to.

So honestly? Screw my previous September goals. I didn’t meet half of them, but I’m over it. I’m not dieting, I’m not giving up dinner with friends, and I’m most definitely not giving up alcohol or all desserts. I’m doing this the real way.

Slow changes. Getting my booty to the gym 4x a week. Making healthier eating choices. Controlling my portions.

And GO.

Read Full Post »

I knew I had gained a bit of weight over the past year. I stopped using a scale but I could feel it. I was getting snug in my clothing, feeling more lethargic and a brutal new chaffing issue which I never had before started happening.

Yet I somehow managed to ignore it and just convince myself it was minor weight gains. Or it was the summer heat and being swollen from the humidity.

And then, I had a bit of a breakdown this morning.

I can’t get into my work pants.

PantS.

I’ve been wearing flowy summery dresses and skirts for about 3 months now and haven’t thought to pull my pants out. And then I pulled my grey pair out which were snug to get on and then, the button just wouldn’t pull shut.

On to the black pair. They were snug enough just trying to get them up my thighs that it’s uncomfortable to think about attempting to zip them.

The worst? A black & white dress that I fit into 2 years ago in what I felt was a heavier phase of mine. Stretching/pulling in the stomach now makes it look like I’m trying to get into a dress two sizes too small for me. And I am.

I can’t ignore it any more. It’s not just a gain in numbers that has become obvious on the scale but I can’t fit into my clothing. It’s taking a toll of my mood, my confidence, everything. It’s such an overwhelming and disappointing feeling. How did it happen? I’m not talking 3lbs here, I’m talking 17-19 lbs in one year.

I know how to fix this. Get to the gym, reduce the portions, eat healthier and cleaner. So why doesn’t it sound so easy?

Read Full Post »

There’s something about exercising and eating health(ier) that just clears away all racing thoughts in my head and the chaos in my life. It’s like somehow, important things become more clear, and nagging negatives have solutions, or sometimes they just don’t seem to matter as much anymore.

One of the first things I noticed in the past few days of getting good sweat sessions and proper nutrition is I’m not tired. In fact, my insomnia is back, not the really bad kind with racing thoughts more so that I’m just awake. I know that’ll settle once my body starts getting more and more tired with the exercising but for now it’s a really nice feeling to wake up and think about the day versus thinking about when I’ll get to sleep next.

It’s also such a nice feeling to not feel so full and lethargic after eating. I’m noticing what and which foods makes me feel energized and full longer versus the crazy sugar bender I was on. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up sweets. However, balancing them with other foods does wonders for energy levels.)

I learned this week that I can go grocery shopping across from my job and just leave a week’s worth of breakfast and lunch stuff at work. I got myself a box of Kashi Heart to Heart toasted cereal and I actually only eat a portion or two for breakfast. Really that’s because my officemate is watching and continuously pouring additional bowls will get comments. Hey, whatever works.

It also keeps me from leaving my lunch in the fridge at home (happens once a week) or just not making something (also happens once a week). Instead I left a whole bag of stuff from Trader Joes – avocados, bread, string cheese, orange peppers, apple slices, Greek yogurt, watermelon, etc in our office fridge. I made sure to keep it in a sketchy Forever 21 bag in hopes that others won’t snatch things from it.

I’m learning how ridiculously small normal portions appear after my recent portions. 400-500 calories for each meal isn’t a lot when you start adding it all up. 2 slices of cheese pizza at almost 600 calories (had our reading buddy volunteer party today during lunch and pizza was the only option) but it is just not as filling as something like a chicken sausage omelet with a side of toast and veggies.

I’m getting back to my candle burning ways – slowly but surely. Yesterday after work I ran over to the gym, warmed up on the elliptical for 15 minutes, ran 2 miles, then walked the 1.5 miles home. I quickly made dinner then headed to my friend J’s house for Pretty Little Liars season premier (yes, I do watch that show. It’s embarrassing but we’re addicted) and got home around 11pm and chatted with the Townie before bedtime.

And somehow, my feelings for the Townie have become much more clear. I like him.  I really do. I find that when we spend a few nights apart my mind wanders to him. He’s just a positive, fun, weightless thought always in the back of my mind. It feels so refreshing. 🙂

wehearit.com

Read Full Post »

Since my down post the other day I’m definitely feeling a little bit better. I think just acknowledging that I had been feeling that way and basically forcing myself to knock it off was a step in the right direction.

Wednesday night’s boxing class was really fun. I guess it’s not really just  a boxing class. Basically it looked like this:

  • 10 min jump rope warm-up (seriously, this is hard. It also makes me feel like I’m going to pee myself after a while. TMI? Sorry 😉 )
  • Stretching for 5 minutes
  • 1 minute at each weight station: bicep curls, chest presses, lat pulldowns, tricep pulls, lunges with weights, and crunch bench.
  • Kettle bell swings, kettlebell switches, kettlebell squats, kettlebell lunges, etc
  • Wide arm pushups against the ring, half way pushups and hold, mountain climbers, dips against the ring, burpees, and jumps. (<– this is my hell section)
  • Put on your gloves and punch at 5 different bags, then with two different instructors in the ring.
  • Ab work – bicycle crunches, lying leg raises, and scissor kicks.

All in all it’s one fast paced 90 minute class that will make you work.

Last night the Townie and I headed to Cheesecake Factory for dinner.  (Ironically, this is where I decided to have my, “can we start eating a little healthier conversation”.) I ate less than half my plate of stuffed chicken tortillas (ok maybe a fried macaroni cheeseball made it in there) and I made him split cheesecake with me. (We didn’t finish the piece.) This may have been the first time I walked out of that place not feeling like I was going to die from a food baby. I mean, I am the girl who used to have to have her own slice of cheesecake after dinner and bring another home for late night snacking. Baby steps folks.

Today I made the awesome decision to get myself to the gym during lunch. I can’t do this too regularly but once a week in-between meetings, it’s a great break in the day. I knew tonight I’d be heading straight from work to meet my girlfriends for dinner and watching the Bruins, so the gym had to fit in somewhere. 🙂

My workout wasn’t anything too crazy since I was short on time, but here’s what I did:

What I loved about this workout is that I ended up breaking much more of a sweat than I expected. I was also excited each time my 90 seconds @9:31 mile pace came back. Ending the run with the 30 seconds @ 6:31 felt fantastic.

I’m back in the office and eating a healthy tuna sandwich for lunch that I brought from home. I might just want to attack the person who left bags of M&M’s in the kitchen though. They’re my favorite.

Read Full Post »

For months now, I’ve hinted at my unhappiness with my weight gain since last summer (13lbs to be exact). But more than a number on a scale, these past few months I’ve felt, down.

Now that doesn’t mean I haven’t been happy in a lot of different ways. For one, my family, friends, and the Townie have made me incredibly happy and we’ve all had some wonderful quality time and trips together.

But more so I’ve noticed that as I dropped exercise from my routine (which happened all to easily), my mood started to change. My positive, easy going attitude has turned irritable, and with the drop of a hat it snaps into cranky-complaining-mode.

My food intake has turned from healthy (with treats) to eating just to eat. Eating as a reward (for a good day or a bad day), eating my emotions and feelings, and definitely eating out of boredom. It doesn’t help that since Townie came along my portion sizes have doubled. 

And my energy is at an all time low. I used to have trouble falling asleep I was so wired. For the past few weeks – all I want to do is sleep. 😦 I’m sleeping in later and later and going to bed earlier and earlier. Add on that I’m also feeling tired all the time during the day too, so much that I could hardly keep my eyes open at points with the Townie in the Cape and sometimes all I can think about at work to get me through the day is getting home and getting back in bed.

My night-time habits have spiraled to an all time low too. Sure once a week I see some of the girls, and a few times I see the Townie, but on the nights off? I’m plopping down on my couch and watching hours of tv while mindlessly eating. I’m talking 4+ hours a night.

I’ve been embarrassed to even admit this, to anyone, to myself, and especially to the blog world.

But I think by admitting it here, I’m in a way forcing myself to change. I need to break the cycle.

Because I want to change. I know the biggest challenge is just doing it. Starting. In any little way possible. Stop the excuses, the complaining, the weak efforts and just friggan do it.

So here it is. I’m not overloading myself with unrealistic goals for the first 10 days (yeah 5:30am workouts would just be a setup for failure right now) but I just want to get back into a routine, back to feeling like myself – an athlete. Most importantly exercise needs to get back to being a priority, not the first thing to go in a day.

Rather than write a whole bunch of overwhelming goals I’m thinking I’m going to take this one day at a time. Each day my goal is to incorporate at minimum, 25 minutes of exercise. [This doesn’t count my walking to and from work.]

Tonight I’m headed back to this boxing class with my college roomie.

Day one of OUT OF THE RUT  begins!

Read Full Post »

The Townie and I spent this past weekend on the Cape. A weekend of long talks, great food, and many kisses ( 😉 )  was exactly what we needed.

Fish and chips, with a few clam fritters is a must on my first summer weekend. It was way too easy to be part of the clean plate club.

 
Saturday afternoon was ice cream, a mini golf game and then real a bucket of balls at the driving range. I won in mini golf before he showed off his 250 yard driving skills in golf. 

 
As soon as I saw this sign from the street I knew the weekend couldn’t go by without trying the famous Marylou’s. The girl working there explained that they actually dissolve whipped cream into some of the specialty iced coffees (hence why I now consider it crack coffee). I got a small White Chocolate iced coffee and it was delicious.

I'd buy this iced coffee daily if it were closer

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wine, Stubb marinated and grilled steak tips, grilled veggie skewers and breadcrumb mac n cheese made for one ideal dinner.  
 
 
I think I have a new favorite grill master. 😉   

Read Full Post »

My boxing trainer has to leave to go back to Ireland for at least a month because of family stuff. I’m disappointed but at the same time I’m looking at this in a way to start getting back into shape trying different methods.

I miss spinning.
I miss running.
I miss routine gym sessions at least 3 times a week.
I miss swimming.
I miss the feeling after a hard workout.

I don’t think I’m going to miss the 2am week night bed times.
Or the 11pm buffalo chicken pizza second dinner.
Or the beers and wine more than twice a week.
Or the eating out 4+ times a week.
The 600 calorie muffins for breakfast.
The carb and white rice loaded indian take-out for lunch.
The soft squishy feeling of my stomach.
The painfully tight waistband of my work pants.

I’m ready to tone that all down and tone up my body.

Whatever it takes. Spin classes. Core fusion. Pure barre. Running. Kettlebells. It’s time to do this.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »