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Posts Tagged ‘Wheel of Balance’

I’m struggling a bit with my balance recently. My month’s goal was to focus on balance and while I’m not failing at it, I’m definitely still working it out.

Last weekend I spent a fantastic weekend in Rhode Island with my family. So fantastic that I was convinced to stay through until Monday morning when I had to pop out of bed by 5:30 to get back to Boston for work.

Monday night was a late night of boxing followed by an even earlier morning of kettlebells. Tuesday night was an awesome night with the Townie, but one that included meat lover’s pizza and kissing on my couch until almost 1am.

Two nights in a row of less than 6 hours of sleep made me exhausted all day on Wednesday. I did some quick errands on Wednesday night before trying to get into bed early. (For some reason once again I tossed and turned getting only 6 hours of sleep.)

My day at work yesterday was absolutely insane, I even squeezed in a catch-up yogurt date with one of my friends mid-day, and then I ran out to meet my friend J to catch-up and have dinner. A full personal pan pizza for me later I was feeling bloated and exhausted as we left each other around 9pm.

I am pretty sure I was passed out before 11pm last night.

Another early morning today so I could come into work today before 8am so that I could leave for a 3:30 doctor’s appointment and then go straight home to change before the game.

And my head starts to swirl when I think about the weekend…

  • Will the Townie be staying the night?
  • I have boxing at 10:30a tomorrow
  • I need to: inflate my tires, test attach my bike to my car, lay out all of my gear/food and plan out my leave time for my duathlon on Sunday morning
  • Attend my friend’s birthday dinner and then be a good sport for a little bit at the bar (no drinking, but maybe a little dancing)
  • Get into bed at a “decent” time since I’ll need to be up at 5:00am on Sunday
  • Participate in my first season opener duathlon on Sunday

As much as I love what’s going on in my life right now, I have to figure out a way to balance it a bit more. I’m feeling pretty chaotic, not prepared for my duathlon, a little out of control because of my new feelings for the Townie (ok I can’t help that one 😉 ) and just not the healthiest version of myself.

My first instinct is to stop hanging out so much with the Townie and friends, and just get my stuff together. But that’s not the answer, I will always have this busy (if not busier) schedule to deal with. So somehow I just need to make sure not to throw healthy eating, exercise, and sleep to the wayside with my busy changing schedule.

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So if you’ve been reading my blog by now you now I am really goal oriented. As soon as I have something written down, or thought of as a goal it makes it that much more a reality that I’ll actually do it. But they have to be pretty specific. While my Wheel of Balance idea was great – it took signing up for a triathlon and creating a pretty specific training program to really focus on the exercise portion.

Anyway, lots of people have bucket lists. Today I decided I need to spice up my life a little bit. What better way to do that then by coming up with 10 things to do before September? What better way to combat feeling lost? And really, I love making to do lists.

In reality they’ll all be things I want to do. But sometimes life gets in the way and it’s easy to let things slide. So I want to do the following 10 things before September and the best part is that my triathlon is August 29th which will be a perfect end goal.

  1. Read 3 books
  2. Buy a back up hard drive and save my crap
    (I worry about this constantly since my old computer died with all of my Tasmania/Australia pictures 😦 )
  3. Adopt a soldier
    I just did! Through this amazing organization, you write to a soldier once a week and send care packages 1-2 times a week. I feel such strong support for anyone willing to fight for our country (even if I don’t support the war) I support the people out there. So even if this helps the soldier on one day – it’s worth it!
  4. Try to have conversations with my new gym crush, “Georgia” (somehow need to find out his schedule! Stalker much?)
  5. Go on a date (preferably with Georgia 😉 )
  6. Make a new friend.
    I have amazing friends in my life. But I’m finding each new person teaches me something, or adds value to my life, or is open to do activities with. I am a little shy and reserved when meeting new people so it might be nice to drop that and try to make a new friend.
  7. Create an excel budget.
    No more debt, no more spending $150 a week on groceries (seriously, I shop for one person), or $100 a week on new clothing.
  8. Go to a drop-in dance class with my younger sister and cousin who will only be in Boston for the summer
  9. Go to a BODYPUMP class
    my hope is that with one of these, I can get into routine of doing it once a week. I need some strength training!
  10. Do a triathlon!
  11. *Have really good sex 😉

So number 11 is a bonus. I can’t really have sex unless I find someone I feel connected with so there isn’t any bad hang-up after but I’m opening the door to the possibility. My body is basically screaming at me to open that door. And what better way to re-assign my thoughts towards the number 11 (the number which has always reminded me of B for a number of reasons.)

I know some of these sound like silly goals but the truth is, if getting them on paper is what gets to do them so I get cross them off my list, so be it. I say it’s worth a try.

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My blog isn’t really themed. For the most part, you don’t know what you’re going to get. Some days it’s about my relationship with B, some days it’s about my tri training, recently it’s been about food/exercise/healthy living, some days it’s about friends or my family. Some days it’s a little bit of everything!

There are days when I think for anyone reading it’d be a lot easier if I focused on only one topic. But I just can’t seem to do that.

When I started “The Pursuit Of Happiness” I was doing just what the title says. Trying to find happiness or really trying to figure out what happiness is to me.

I can’t explain how great this blog has been for me in the past few months. It has introduced me to a world I never knew existed (an amazing world) and it’s given me an outlet. Sometimes it’s just venting and sometimes it’s sharing vulnerable details that I wouldn’t ever say a loud. Whatever it is and whatever it is becoming, has been a huge part of me finding myself and my way to happiness.

It’s through writing on here that I have begun to recognize myself again and who and what matters to me. It’s comforting to look through my more recent posts and realize, I truly am living, with or without B in my life in the role I thought he’d be in.

There are days, most days actually, when I still don’t understand. There are days when I’m terrified that I will never again find a match, a connection, a love like I had with him. But at the same time part of me is realizing that maybe, just maybe, the end of us was a good thing for myself. It is still so heart-wrenching to say that, to accept it, to believe it – and yet – I am.

I would have married him. I think I would have been really happy too. But I don’t think I would have ever taken time to be really selfish and figure out who I was in the way that I have the past 7 months. I don’t know if I ever would have started a blog, or signed up to do a tri, or gotten so interested in nutrition and fitness. Slowly, I’m finding these passions that I just didn’t know even existed. And I don’t think being with B ever stopped me from being myself. But in a way, I do think it allowed me to settle back and feel content with what I had and where I was.

It took that shake-up to realize there’s a lot I still want to learn about myself and what I selfishly want out of life. It’s scary but it’s EXCITING.

As independent as I was before in my relationship, I think I have an even better sense of independence now. Right now I feel like I can be a team in a relationship while still letting myself grow. I may not be quite ready to be in a relationship yet because I don’t want to pause my growth, but I think I’ll know when the chance comes around what the best choice is for me.

I don’t think I completely have found my way by any means yet. But I am starting to feel like I’ve finally found my way to the right path. Now it’s more a matter of starting down and continuing down the path. As Thoreau said, “Never look back unless you are planning to go that way”.

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I bought Sally Edward’s book, “Triathlons for Women”. What a motivating book! It addresses my fears and really makes me think, OK I can do this!

I’d love to above all, finish the race. And then to not finish last. I’m so scared of being the very last one in the race but I guess I have to remember, finishing is the most important part.

I wish I had known before signing up for the August one that there are women-only triathlons. That would have been a great one to start with. Oh well, why not really push my limits. I also almost wish the bachelor wasn’t partaking because in some ways that makes it less of my own race. But so far the contact has still be minimal just a few exchanges back and forth so I think it’ll stay separate.

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. It seems like there’s so much to do. Buy the equipment (bike, helmet, cycling shoes, wet suit, goggles, etc). Really hammer out a training process. Actually start training.

I sent an email out to family & friends yesterday telling them I signed up. It made it more official in my mind plus lets them know ahead of time where they better plan on being on August 29th! Plus it’s crazy how many people responded knowing someone who has participated in a triathlon or Ironman and would be willing to put me in touch with them. The more support, the better!

I feel so silly thinking these but I am really nervous about the silly little things. What if I get kicked during the swim? What if I walk out of the water and get completely disoriented and can’t find my bike? What if I forget something? What if I don’t eat the right foods or drink enough and my body shuts down? What if my tire goes flat or my chain falls off? What if my long hair gets in the way? What is the best thing for a woman to wear and feel most comfortable in? What if I have to pee?

The disappointment came when B responded to my email. (I wanted him to know about my goal, and wanted to give him the opportunity to help me train a bit this summer or come out and watch.) While his response was nice it was so easily written off that he wouldn’t be there because he has a wedding that weekend. I just felt disappointed. If I’m really your best friend, and this is probably one the most physically and mentally taxing things I have done so far in my life – and I’m asking you to be there – you be there. I wish it didn’t upset me, but it does. The wedding is in Maine on the Saturday so he’ll probably be closer than anyone else who’ll be traveling to support me. We’re having dinner tonight at our favorite burger place (technically he is taking me to celebrate my graduation) but we’ll see. I’m hoping, well, I don’t know what I’m hoping….

I am trying to let those thoughts and feelings go and get back to focusing on this and on ME.

I’m officially a MASTER! I now have my master’s in Library and Information Science. I can’t believe it. I went out with the girls last night for a drinks and then a nice long dinner. It was so nice to just hang out and not worry about the time and just be in the moment. I hope there’s a lot of that this summer!

On an ending random note, I officially now am sure what physical look attracts me most to a man. Here it is…

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I signed up to do my first ever triathlon on Sunday, August 29th.

Oh my God.

I’m terrified.

Can I actually do this? Am I crazy?

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Ok first, the past few days have been crazy and I feel out of the blog world! I haven’t gotten a chance to post anything or read any of my fav blogs in a few days. Just a day or two more and I should have more free time.
 
Here’s what’s really on my mind…
 
Should I do a triathlon? Remember the bachelor? He does triathlons, hasn’t though in two years but is running one end of August up in Maine. We exchanged brief messages about if it’s even possible for me to do one. (Sprint distance – 750 m swim, 20 km bike, 5 km run) Now this would take A LOT of a work, time, commitment, and even money. BUT, I have been looking for something to distract me (and even just thinking about it the past 3 days has distracted me more than anything else has in weeks months. For the first time my daydreams or thoughts didn’t immediately go to B – and they have been going to B way more than I want or need them to), they went to visions of me crossing that finish line (and likely vomiting) but crossing the finish line none the less.
 
Now I may be somewhat impulsive with adventure activities, but, I still have my rational side. I think I need to sit down, put the training into a spreadsheet to make sure I have enough time and commitment to do this, figure out the cost associated (umm… I need a bike), and then decide.
 
It’s really exciting to think about.
 
What better way to focus on me then by exercising and feeling great and working towards a goal that’s all about me. Plus this would be a great goal for my wheel of balance.
 
I mean, there’s no good reason not to other than I’m terrified. Ahhh I don’t know… should I do it?
 

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makes me a procrastinator.

BUT, what a niiiiice weekend!
 
Friday night was a lot of fun. You know it’s going to be a good night when you start the night with shots of tequila, cinnamon and orange slices. Then we headed to a bar down the street to meet up with my cousin who was up from NY with her boyfriend and got to meet him for the first time. The strangest thing about the first bar was that it was all men. I didn’t even notice at first because we were at the end of the bar and my back was to everyone behind me and I was just focused on chatting with the girls. All the sudden I turned around and there they all were. The thing is, it felt great to be hit on, or to laugh at some of the pick up lines (“What up girl?) but it’s so hard to meet someone in a bar. It was more fun just to hang out with my friends and do a little bar hopping and feel flattered when a guy complimented me or attempted to pick me up in one way or another. I’ve also noticed (a very good sign) — my sex drive seems to be coming back. I knew it was going to take a hiatus after the breakup and then it seemed to just really go away. But lately and maybe with the addition of the extra exercising — it’s baaaaack! The only problem of course is that adds to another thing I’d like from a man. The list seems to be growing…
  • Sense of humor
  • Intelligent
  • Passionate (about something, anything!)
  • 6 ft or taller
  • Open-minded
  • Active (at the gym and outdoors – hiking, kayaking, shooting, etc)
  • Likes to travel
  • Matching sex drive
Anyway, Saturday morning it was beautiful out. My cousin and her bf, myself and two of my girlfriends sat outside having brunch in the sunny weather. It was wonderful. Saturday afternoon I did a serious clean of my apartment – scrubbed the floors, bathroom, took out a ridiculous amount of garbage and it just feels so much better now. I feel like I can sit in this nice airy clean apartment.
 
Then my two besties from childhood came up and we did a late dinner and a walk with frozen yogurt. It felt like a big slumber party in my studio apartment! This morning we had brunch and then walked all around Boston. It was really fun to see Boston through their eyes as “tourists”. It made me appreciate my area so much more since I can walk to everything, my gym, grocery store, restaurants are right near by. I love it.
 
A quick update on the Life Balance Wheel. Exercise week #1 felt great! My 5k’s, my spinning class – the only mini goal I need to change is my Jillian DVD. I don’t think my neighbors living below me appreciated me doing jumping jacks at 6:45am (in fact I know they didn’t from the banging on the walls). Oops. I have to figure out a good replacement for that one.
 
Now I’m procrastinating since what I need to be doing is my final paper and presentation for my Tuesday night class. I’m also trying really hard to come up with a unique gift for my Mom for Mother’s Day. I’d love to get her something that shows how much I appreciate her and nothing seems right. And B’s birthday is coming up and I’d like to get him something …

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